When I grow up
by todd fan
Summary: Complete The final chapter of this insanity is done!
1. Unexpected Changes

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone"  
  
****  
  
And the changing around adventures continue. This is part of a trilogy, including Baby Blues and Baby Blues 2. Don't worry, you don't really have to read them, because all that happens in these fics are random and odd. I incidentally will take requests in this fic. Some credit for this must go to , who gave me the idea for this madness.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter 1 - Unexpected changes  
  
****  
  
The sun dawned on another day in Bayville. In the Xavier Insitute, the sounds of people waking up could be heard.....that and screaming, lots of screaming.  
  
"ARGGGHHHHH!!!!! I HAVE FACIAL HAIR!!!!!!!".  
  
That PARTICULAR scream had come from one of the bedrooms. Maybe discovering facial hair would not have been that big of a shock...had the owner of said facial hair not been 12 years old.  
  
"ARGGHHHHH!!!", came Jamie's voice again, "that isn't the ONLY place there's new hair!!!".  
  
Bobby groaned, pulling his pillow over his head.  
  
"Okay, Jamie, you have hair, good for you, no need to scream about it", he muttered.  
  
It took Bobby a few minutes to realise that Jamie's voice had been ALOT deeper than it usually was, certainly not the voice of a 12 year old. He blinked, falling out of bed and trudging out of his room. He was suprised to see an adult man he'd never seen before run past his door, screaming. The man, obviously not looking where he was going, ran into a wall. The man suddenly became three men, whom all fell to the floor with a thud. Bobby blinked, walking over as the 'new' men went back into the currently unconcious single new man.  
  
"Guys.....there's a guy here that has the same powers as Jamie", he shouted out, "..I think he could be dead now".  
  
"Ugghhhh", replied the man.  
  
"ARRGHH, no he's not!", squeaked Bobby, jumping back.  
  
The man groggily sat up, rubbing his head, before blinking at Bobby.  
  
"..Bobby?", he said, confused.  
  
"Oh my Gods, he knows our names!!!", shouted Bobby, "he's a spy!!"  
  
"Bobby, It's me..Jamie", said Jamie.  
  
"Jamie's twelve", said Bobby.  
  
"Well, aren't YOU supposed to be sixteen?", questioned Jamie.  
  
"I AM sixteen!", snapped Bobby.  
  
"Go and look in a mirror", smirked Jamie.  
  
Bobby gave Jamie an unsure look, still not sure if he was a spy. He backed into a bathroom, and looked in a mirror. His reflection was that of a thirty odd year old.  
  
"ARGHHHHHH!!!!!".  
  
***  
  
BEEP-BEEP, BEEP-BEEP, BEEP-BEEP.  
  
Xavier groaned, flicking his alarm off...he NEVER slept until the point his alarm had to wake him up. And even now he felt a strange desire to stay in bed. He rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, getting read to......wait a minute....Xavier paused. Something wasn't right. A quick psychic scan proved what he had feared....Seren had been at it again. He sighed, pulling himself into his wheelchair...odd, there was alot of room in it today. He wheeled past a mirror...and was forced to wheel back. Yes, he DID have hair, long, blonde hair, not just that...he was a teenager.  
  
"ARGHHHHH!!!!"  
  
*****  
  
After each resident of the Institute had put in a few 'arrghhhh's' each, they had gathered in the common room. Every teenager in the room had been changed from the ages of twenty eight to thirty five. Logan, Xavier, Storm and Hank, however, had the opposite problem. They had all been transformed into teenagers.  
  
"Well, it appears Seren has been on another random attack again", said Xavier, then sighed as everyone was staring at his head, "YES IT'S HAIR!!! Stop staring!!!".  
  
"Well...at least there aren't any babies this time", said Hank.  
  
"Well, that makes me feel MUCH better!!", snapped Storm, her feeling punctuated by a rumble of thunder.  
  
"Please get the teenage moodswings under control, Ororo", said Xavier placidly.  
  
"Hey, we got it worse!!!", protested Scott, rubbing his big chin, "LOOK at us. We're OLD!".  
  
The adults glared at him, causing Scott to squeak and back off.  
  
"...Not that I'm saying you guys are old...'cause I'm not".  
  
"Yes...well", said Xavier, "I suggest we follow the 'Seren Protocoll'".  
  
The 'Seren Protocoll' had been created after the SECOND time Seren had shown up to ruin their lives. It was simple, really. Run around finding all the inflicted people, be they humans or mutants, gather them into the mansion, then try and figure out how the heck to sort it out. Sure, it wasn't a swell plan, but as they say, company loves misery.  
  
****  
  
"I LOOK LIKE DAD!!!!!!"  
  
At the Brotherhood house, things were not much better...not at all. Pietro had gone for his usual eary moring 'stare at reflection for hours on end'..when he found something very scary. Well, two very scary somethings.  
  
Scary something number one: He was in his late thirties  
  
Scary something number two: He paid more than a passing resemblance to Magneto.  
  
It was the last one that scared him more than anything. His screaming had woken the rest of the household, who had also started screaming as a result of their new.. looks.  
  
"I can't believe this happened again!", fumed Wanda, making his bowl of cornflakes implode, "what has that girl got against us?!!!"  
  
"But we're not babies anymore", said Todd, smiling sweetly at her, "you're still very beautifull"  
  
"And you still look like a sewer rat", she replied testily.  
  
"Look, guys", said Lance, trying to comb back in unruly hair, "lets just get to the Institute and find out how to solve this, huh?"  
  
"Do we HAVE to?", said Freddy, "...I'm still phsycologically damaged from the last time"  
  
"I know it's tough", said Lance, sighing, "but we don't have a choice"  
  
Pietro took a deep breath, annoyed no one had paid him the slightest concern of his new handicap, so he decided to remind them again.  
  
"I LOOK LIKE MY DAD!!!".  
  
****  
  
"I LOOK LIKE MY SON!!!".  
  
Magneto gave a squeal of delight, clapping his hands before striding out to where the Acolytes were collected. Remy, Pyro and Piotr looked alot older, while Sabertooth and Jason were happily younger.  
  
"What a wonderfull day this is!" said Magneto.  
  
"...It is NOT wonderfull!!", snapped Remy, "look at de lines on Gambit's face!! Look at dem!!!".  
  
"I quite like the change", said Jason smugly.  
  
"You would", said Piotr, "we have to go to the Institute"  
  
"Do we HAVE to?", whined Magneto, "I look so young and pretty"  
  
Sabertooth rolled his eyes, picking up his leader and flinging him over his shoulder, heading out of the HQ, followed by the rest of the Acolytes. It was going to be one of those weeks, he could feel it.  
  
*********  
  
Okay, so you're welcome to request what is done to our mutants, and humans. I'll have pretty much any character from the Marvel universe. Yup. Do review. Until next time... 


	2. A messy mess

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "Shhh, I'm about to defy you" (I saw Looney Tunes Back in Action today, yey! *Dances happily at all the Wile E. Coyote goodness*)  
  
*****  
  
Wow, so many reviews, I feel so loved. All requests are considered and if I can fit them into the story, I will (though they might not be for a few chapters). So many of you wonder about Forge, mowhahaha!  
  
TheRP - Jamie and Torpid togetherness? Okey dokey then  
  
Goddessofdarkness3 - Father/son mixup? You got it!  
  
BaronOBeefDip - One teenaged shapeshifter, all for you!  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - And an all grown up X23 for you!  
  
Draco-luver - Mmm inhaling keyboards can't be good for your health ;) Shaving, mirrors and pimples? Oh my!  
  
*****  
  
Chapter 2 - A messy mess  
  
*****  
  
"Owwwww!"  
  
Jamie paused from where he had been attempting to shave....considering he hadn't been mentally prepping himself for this experience for quite a few years yet, it wasn't supprising his face looked like Freddy Kruger had tried to play a tune on his cheeks. He gave a wince, putting yet another little toilet paper square on his face...it was starting to look like a bizare mosaiac.  
  
"I really can't do this", he muttered, putting the razor down.  
  
He strolled out of the bathroom, his new beard completely uneven. Logan sighed sadly, stroking his own even and clean chin.  
  
"I miss my stubble", he sighed.  
  
Logan paused when his hand rubbed against something...something...round and...squishy. He ran into the bathroom, seeing a big, red pimple forming on his chin.  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!", he said, "why doesn't my healing factor sort this out? Stupid useless!!!".  
  
SNIKT.  
  
After he had made a nice, big hole in the wall, Logan left, deciding to let in the 'guests', only to find Storm had beaten him to it.  
  
"Hello", she said duly, then blinked at the people asembled, "Pietro, why are you leading the Acolytes?"  
  
"I'm not Pietro", replied Magneto, before giving a happy giggle, "she thinks I'm Pietro".  
  
Storm growled, crossing her arms.  
  
"You sure LOOK like Pietro".  
  
"I'm Magneto!", said Magneto, "and I'll prove it!".  
  
He turned around, waving a hand at the X-Van parked outside, the van shook, then stopped. Magneto narrowed his eyes and tried again, zippo.  
  
"Well, DAMN!", he snapped.  
  
"Hello Magnus", said Xavier with a sigh, "it appears that this...transformation has left us 'adults' with limited control of our powers, as we were when we were teenagers....Magus...are you even listening to me?"  
  
Magneto wasn't, he was gawping at Xavier's head. It took him a few moments to compose a sentance.  
  
"Hair...big...blonde...", was all the Master of Magnetism could manage, before collapsing in a fit of laughter on the floor.  
  
"Well, at least I don't look like my son", said Xavier icly.  
  
"Actually....", said Logan, cocking his ehad to the side, "ya kinda DO look like David..a bit".  
  
This earned him a VERY sharp glare, before Xavier wheeled off in a huff.  
  
"Nice zit, pizza face", said Sabertooth, pushing his way in.  
  
"Oh shut up....kitten boy!", retored Logan.  
  
*******  
  
And so, slowly but surely, a few residents of Bayville started to make their way to the mansion. The Brotherhood appeared shortly after the Acolytes, with Pietro crying in tow. Alex, flown in from Hawaii by the terrified Masters's, kept trying to comb back his blonde hair, which had turned into a bush. Forge showed up after him, also 'adultified' and wearing a grin which suggested the guy had won a million bucks, a state of the art lab AND got a date with Jennifer Garner. The Morlocks were next up, shortly followed by an irate X23.  
  
"Well, this is the suckiest day that ever sucked", she said moodily.  
  
"I don't know", purred a Magneto-like Pietro, "I think you look hot"  
  
SNIKT  
  
"...Did I say hot?", stammered Pietro, backing away, "I meant grown up and...scary, very scary!!"  
  
"That's better", growled X23, trying her best to stay in her now very tight- fitting costume.  
  
"Please control yourself", said Xavier, "none of us are happy with this situtaion"  
  
"I am", said Forge.  
  
"Me too", said a younger and less monkey-like Jason.  
  
"Ditto", grinned Magneto, admiring himself in a mirror, "who's hot? YOU ARE!"  
  
Xavier wheeled slightly away from his old friend, shaking his head.  
  
"Okay, so not ALL of us are happy with this", he corrected himself, "but we have to stay together on this one. If we fall apart, it all does. Let's learn from past experiences people"  
  
"All past experience ever taught us was that none of us want any children, ever", said Kitty, crossing her arms.  
  
Torpid, now a grown woman, waved a large hand in the air, then tried her best to mime 'gloves'. Her own were too small for her and she didn't want any...accidents. Unfortunately, the X-Men were bad at cherades...very bad at them.  
  
"You want...a manicure?", tried Freddy.  
  
Torpid shook her head.  
  
"You....have cold hands?"  
  
Torpid sighed, banging her head on the wall. Before blinking as Jamie held out a pair of gardening gloves Beast used when he wanted to be a gardener..before Storm had taken them off him, saying it was HER job, so there.  
  
"Here you go", he said.  
  
Torpid smiled and gave a nod of thanks, putting on the gloves.  
  
"....So, he got the right thing", said Kurt, "he's twelve, of COURSE he can play cherades better than us"  
  
"Hey guys", said Alex, clearing his throat, "when are we going to fix this....problem? I really want to go home"  
  
The door SLAMMED open, and Mystique stormed in, a teenage Mystique.  
  
"We all want to go home", she said, "look at me, I look a mess!!!"  
  
Everyone blinked at her.  
  
"You're a shapeshifter", said Hank slowly, "why don't you just...make yourself look like an adult?"  
  
"Oh, I didn't think of THAT!", said Mystique, her voice dripping with venom, "I can't keep a shifted form for longer than a few minutes"  
  
"Well, it looks like you're stuck with the rest of us", said Storm, giving a sad sigh, "I'm getting depressed and horomonal alread"y.  
  
"No one is going to take us seriously", said Hank, shaking his head, "I'm supposed to be a guest speaker in a physics seminar tomorrow, how can I go looking like THIS?".  
  
There was a sad slience between the adults for a while, before Forge cleared his throat, speaking solemely.  
  
"Well, I would like to take this moment to say...", he paused, before pointing a finger at his fellow 'adults', "BWHOAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
"......Forge....are you sane?", asked Xavier, then paused, "no..never mind, that was a stupid question"  
  
"Now you guys know what it was like for me - Every. Waking. Moment. Of. My. Life!", said Forge, grinning smugly, "it's not fun, is it? IS IT?!!!!"  
  
"...You're mean!", said Mystique, pouting, "aren't you even going to give a BIT of sympathy?"  
  
"No", said Forge, "you want to know why? Because I didn't get any. It was just a 'too bad Forge, don't worry, you'll live through it'. Well, how the tables have turned".  
  
"You're enjoying this way too much", muttered Hank.  
  
"You bet I am", said Forge smugly, "for the first time in twenty years, I look my age, this is the greatest day ever!".  
  
"You're not going to teach us how to cope with this...are you?", said Magneto, a little fear in his voice  
  
"Nope", said Forge, smiling, "what I AM going to do is go out and reap the benifits of looking my agee. Catch ya later!".  
  
With that, Forge headed for the door, only for it to be blocked by Logan  
  
"Oh no ya don't", he said, popping out his claws, "you're staying right here".  
  
"...Like the kids are?", said Forge, nodding at an open window, in which the last of the adultified teens were making an escape.  
  
"...Awww CRUD!", said Logan.  
  
*****  
  
Oh dear lord, they have escaped! What happens now? Their fates are in your hands...poor guys. Do review and request. Until next time... 


	3. New Advantages

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one"  
  
****  
  
Aloo to all, my appologies for this beign late, but between holiday planning and my friends engagement party, things have been a wee bit hectic.  
  
Seimosuchus - Sorry, no Azazel *shudder* one of the worst things Austin did to X-Men was that guy. Mmm tell me how the game works and I'll try to get it in, I'm afraid I'm not that 'up to date' in the gaming world.  
  
Shanie S - I'm still on my Remy/Rogue ban, I'm afraid. There's still way too many of them out already ;)  
  
Pirate Kit - Ahoy my fellow Forgeketer!...dont' ask where that came from, I don't know. Sabertooth bullying Logan? It is done  
  
Ellen - One of Bobby's old comic girlfriends showing up? How can I resist?  
  
Draco-Luver - Three words: Xavier, Pigtails, Done.  
  
Chaotic Boredom - No fear, I too still like Evan, poor beat-up soul. Parents looking for their offspring, oh yey!  
  
ASGT and Kat Maximoff - Scott with white hair! How could I fail Link and Lugi on that one? Heh heh heh.  
  
Astrea - Dont' worry, Your Friendly Neighbourhood Spiderman shalt arrive soon (the Spider-Man guru, AKA my little brother is thinking up wicked things). But here's some Angel to bide the time :D  
  
Dragonblond - More Jamie/Torpid cutness? You asked for it.  
  
Lots of people have asked for Legion and someone losing their hair, I give you both!Many have also asked for a bar, now, would I really have one of these fics without someone attempting to get or getting drunk?. Bhwahaha!  
  
*****  
  
Chapter 3 - New advantages.  
  
******  
  
"I can't believe they escaped!", said Hank, pacing up and down the floor, "how could they disregard the protocoll so willy-nilly?"  
  
"Because they want to take advantage of this blessing and have fun", muttered Forge, from where he'd been tied to a chair, his binoic arm 'confiscated'.  
  
"Quiet you", said Magneto, "you have to do something...invent a way out of this"  
  
Forge stared at him for a long time.  
  
"Okay, point one:", he said, "if I could have made something to change ages, don't you think I would have done it by now to get me out of the mess Middleverse left me in? And point two:....I don't wanna go back!".  
  
"Oh, you're going back", growled Logan, "as soon as we find Seren, and you're gonna be happy about it"  
  
"No, I won't", said Forge, then sighed, "can I at least have my arm back?"  
  
"No", said Storm, "you'd escape!"  
  
Forge blinked.  
  
"My legs are fine, I can still run"  
  
"Not if ya try it, ya won't", said Logan, popping out his claws.  
  
"Okay, fine", said Forge, "keep me tied up, but I'm going to make you regret it"  
  
"Ooooooh what are ya gonna do?", said Logan with mock fear, "invent me ta death?".  
  
Forge glared at him, before clearing his throat and started to sing, loudly.  
  
"This is the song that doesn't end, Yes it goes on and on, my friend, Some people started singing it not so long ago, And now they'll keep on singing it forever just because, This is the song that doesn't end, Yes it goes on and o.."  
  
"It's not gonna work", said Logan, as Forge carried on obliviously.  
  
******  
  
Elsewhere, in a place not far from Bayville, Legion was panicking. Well, more correctly, David was panicking.  
  
"I have no hair!!!!", he screamed, "I look like dad!!!!".  
  
"Oh, shut up, you little whining", muttered Lucas, taking over.  
  
He took one look at his Xavier-like (though this time with a beard) face and screamed. Ian, disgruntled by being woken up by his other personailities' screamings, took over for a brief second, and was quite surpised to find he resembled a cross between David and Lucas, aged. In short, he was a very handsome 28 year old, with gorgeous long blonde hair, a blonde goatee and a smile to die for. He pondered his new face from all angles, before nodding and starting to stroll off to explore the world.  
  
'Hey, little buddy', came Lucas's voice somewhere in his phsyce, 'you gonna let me out now?'  
  
Ian shook his head.  
  
'Awww, come on!!!'  
  
Another head shake.  
  
'What about me?' , tried David.  
  
Ian rolled his eyes, and carried on walking, heading towards Bayville.  
  
'MUTINY!', screamed Lucas, 'let me back out right now, you little, mute, fire-starting freak!!'.  
  
Ian started to humm to himself as he walked down the street, ignoring both his other physce's moanings.  
  
*****  
  
The new 'adults' had meanwhile decided to all go their seperate ways, and explore the new adult world. Scott, finding his hair was steadily turning white for no apparent reason, had freaked out and chose to escape to Paul's house for refuge, Jean in hot persuit. Kurt had gone off to show Amanda his new 'look'. Everyone else, however, had opted to go to that one place they were forbidden before. The kareoke bar.  
  
"A'h don't know about this guys", said Sam, looking at the sign outside, "a'h don't think this is right"  
  
"Trust Mr Morality to ruin it", muttered Bobby, "I told you we should have left him with the stiffs. Geez, Sam, live a little!"  
  
"Yeah", said Tabby, "go wild for once, you don't know how to have a good time".  
  
"A'h DO know how to have a good time", Sam said with a sniff.  
  
"Okay then, prove it", said Tabby, with a smirk.  
  
"A'h will", said Sam, marching off into the bar.  
  
"Oh yeah, this is gonna be fuuuuuun", snikered Tabby, following after him.  
  
"Party, party, party!", sang Pyro, "come on baby light my fire!"  
  
With that, they all entered the bar, Jamie making a point of holding the door open for Torpid, who blushed and smiled. Inside, Bobby had decided to go onto smoosing around...that was until he run into a familiar face.  
  
"Bobby Drake!".  
  
Bobby stopped dead, before giving a nervous chuckle, waving a hand at a green-haired girl.  
  
"Lorna!", he said with a squeak, "....hi?".  
  
Lorna frowned at him, crossing her arms.  
  
"Don't you 'hi' me, mister, where've you been all this time?!", she snapped.  
  
"Err....here?", tried Bobby weakly, "waiting for you".  
  
Lorna gave a snort, and stormed past him. Alex blinked once, before grinning and running after her.  
  
"Hi there", he said with his best smile, "can I buy you a drink?"  
  
Lorna frowned.  
  
"I'd rather have the money", she said, walking past him and sitting at the bar.  
  
"Hah!", laughed Bobby, "she turned you doooooowwn!".  
  
"She hasn't had the whole Masters charm yet, that's all", said Alex, "I'll win her over yet"  
  
"Dude, she's my ex!", said Bobby.  
  
"I know", smirked Alex, sauntering off.  
  
"You are aware, that this means war", said Bobby.  
  
****  
  
"And now they'll keep on singing it forever just because, This is the song that doesn't end, Yes it goes on and on my..."  
  
"FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, STOP!!!!".  
  
After a good hour of 'The song that doesn't end', Logan had finally lost the plot.  
  
"You going to let me go now?", asked Forge, well prepared to sing more.  
  
Logan gave a defeated sigh, slicing through the rope holding Forge to the chair with his claws.  
  
"Logan, you're letting him go!", snapped Mystique, crossing her arms.  
  
"I can't take anymore Lambchop, I can't!!!", said Logan, then began to cry, "the sock is evil"  
  
Everyone blinked at him for a long, long time. Sabertooth was the first to speak.  
  
"...You're afraid'a Lambchop?".  
  
"It's not funny", sniffed Logan  
  
Sabertooth grinned happily at this brand new information.  
  
"Awwww, little Logey-Wogy's afraid of a Socky-Wocky", he said, patting Logan on the head, "pooor little runt".  
  
"Shut up, Sabertooth", growled Logan.  
  
"Make me, short-stuff", said Sabertooth, flicking Logan on the head with a finger, "loo-hoo-ser-her, loo-hoo-ser-her".  
  
"Quit it!!", said Logan, sniffing, "you're big and MEAN!".  
  
"BOYS!!", snapped Mystique, "stop fighting NOW!!!!"  
  
"Yes, Mystique, sorry Mystique", said the pair in unison, before pulling faces at each other when her back was turned.  
  
It was then the door opened to reveal Angel....completely and utterly untouched.  
  
"Why the heck did you get away scott-free?!!!", snapped Storm, pointing a finger at him.  
  
Warren furrowed his brow.  
  
"Get away with what...scary teenage lady?"  
  
"Get away with not being changed", said Xavier wheeling up.  
  
Warren turned to see Xavier, took one look at his hair, screamed and promptly fell backwards, backpeadling away, not an easy task with wings.  
  
"Arrgghhh!!! Teenagers taken over the Intsitute!!!!" screamed Warren, "Help! Help!!!"  
  
"Warren...it's me, Charles", said Xavier with a sigh, shaking his head, "twit"  
  
Warren blinked.  
  
"Charles....but you're...you have....".  
  
"Hair, I know", said Xavier, shaking his head.  
  
"..The word I was looking for was 'pigtails' actually", said Warren  
  
Xavier blinked.  
  
"WHAT?!!!".  
  
"I got...err...bored", said Storm with a chuckle, before hiding behind a chair.  
  
"Seren paid us another visit", said Hank to Warren for explanation.  
  
"You think we look funny, wait until you see Forge", snorted Mystique, then blinked, "hey...where is Forge?"  
  
Xavier put his head to his temple before sighing frustratedly.  
  
"He's found his arm and run away", he said, "he says 'Check ya later, Jive Turkeys'".  
  
"Well, this day couldn't get any worse, could it?", said Hank with an exasperated sigh.  
  
There was a knock at the door, and Jason walked through a few minutes later with Mr and Mrs Pryde.  
  
"We've come to find....Kitty?", said Mr Pryde, trailing off when he saw Xavier.  
  
Whump. Mrs Pryde was out cold. Yes, apparently things COULD get worse.  
  
****  
  
Tee hee, it's fun making Mrs Pryde pass out! Send in those requests and reviews. Until next time... 


	4. Deranged Dueling

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "We are riding down a highway, and we're trying to keep it dooown"  
  
****  
  
Hello all, and Happy St Davids Day!!! *Dances with joy in one of the few Welsh holidays*  
  
Tenshi Kanashi - I gave you credit (by name) in the very first chapter, unless Fanfiction.net did something to the document I put up. I have also kept all of your ideas. I never said I WOULDN'T do it, I just didn't have time then, I'm sorry if I have upset you over it. If it really bothers you, I'll take the story down, with no hard feelings.  
  
Kliona - Jamie and Ian fighting over Torpid? Done!  
  
Ellen - Pietro torture, you got it!  
  
Seimosuchus - Ahhhh now I know of the dance thingie you mean, the kids seem to be really into them (when one refers to teenagers as 'kids', it scares you into considering a pension scheme). Magneto singing I feel Pretty is also yours!  
  
Taineyah - I have taken your challenge, and done something bizare!  
  
ASGT - Drunkeness is a Satus Quo in my fics ;) Hormones going mad? Oh yeah. And scarring Jean for life? How could I resist?  
  
Red Witch - Lots of Lancitty joy!  
  
Millenium Mutant - Kitty goes vroom vroom!!!  
  
Nessie6 - Agreed, Pyro must burn something  
  
Draco Luver - Senility? *Rubs hands* Oh joy!  
  
Mnay of you have asked that Warren changes, I have something...special for him ;)  
  
**  
  
Chapter 4 - Deranged Dueling  
  
**  
  
"I feel pretty, I feel pretty, I feel pretty and witty and...."  
  
"MAGNUS, SHUT UP NOW!!!"  
  
Magneto paused from where he had been dancing in front of a mirror. Xavier gave him a death glare.  
  
"We are SUPPOSED to be formulating a plan to get the teenage adults..and Forge back", he snapped, "not singing and dancing"  
  
"Dance, dance, dance".  
  
Xavier pinched the bridge of his nose, wheeling around to where Mystique and Logan had been playing a death match of Dance Dance Revolution, one of the games the 'teenagers' had left behind...Mystique, apparently, was winning.  
  
"Come on, Logan, move those stubby little legs", shouted Hank, "I have money bet on this!!"  
  
Suddenly, Mystique gave a woop of joy as she won.  
  
"I win, Logan loooooses", she sang.  
  
"It's a stupid game, anyway", sulked Logan, crossing his arms.  
  
"Are we all done now?", said Xavier, the teenage adults (and Warren) all fell silent, "good. I suggest we all split up into teams to round up our missing teenagers.."  
  
"I call Forge!", shouted Mystique.  
  
"No you, I do!!!", snapped Storm.  
  
"Well, I said it first!"  
  
"I live here! I know him better!!"  
  
"You do not!"  
  
"Shapeshifting snake!"  
  
"Moody little weather witch!"  
  
With that, Mystique and Storm promptly dived at each others throats, trying to kill one another.  
  
"....Look at 'em roll", said Sabertooth, cocking his head to the side.  
  
"You know", said Logan, "if they were in a big vat of beer, dressed only in bikinis...that would be completely awesome".  
  
He paused, blinking.  
  
"Excuse me", he said, running off into a nearby bathroom.  
  
"I can see resolving this is going to take a while", sighed Xavier.  
  
**  
  
"So", said Paul, looking at his friend, "you're an adult"  
  
"Yeah", said Scott.  
  
"And you have white hair", added Paul  
  
"...Yeah".  
  
"Mmm".  
  
Scott shook his head, he'd been hoping for something a bit more helpfull than 'Mmm'. He soon got it.  
  
"You can borrow some of my mom's hair dye if you want", he said, "it's not exactly your colour...but close enough"  
  
Scott gave a greatfull sigh.  
  
"Thanks, Paul, where is it?"  
  
"It's in the bathroom", started Paul, "but.."  
  
"I'll get it!", chimed Jean from where she had been watching the two talk, "be back in a sec!"  
  
"Jean, wait!", tried Paul, but it was too late.  
  
Jean ran upstairs and ehaded into Paul's bathroom. She hummed to herself as she plucked the hair dye from a shelf and spun around......to see both Pauls mother AND father in the bath...together.  
  
"Arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, in the kareoke bar, Sam, trying to prove he could have a good time, had somehow managed to get himself very, VERY drunk.  
  
"Buffalo Gals, won't ya come out tonight, Come out tonight, come out tonight", he sang in a slurred voice, "Buffalo Gals, won't ya come out tonight, And dance by the light of the mooooooooon"  
  
Pyro laughed from where he sat across the table from the drunken Southener.  
  
"You're a right laugh, mate", he said, "want to see MY trick?"  
  
"Okely dokely doodly doo", replied Sam, with a lopsided grin, before his forehead hit the table with a dull thud.  
  
Pyro, however, chose not to notice this, and flicked on his lighter. In front of him, he had collected all the candles that had been used to decorate the tables. He gingerly let a flame touch one...  
  
FWOOOOOFFFF!!!  
  
In a tiny pool of candle wax and fire, all the table took alight....including Sam's head.  
  
"Oh look, Ma", Sam said, "ma'h hairs on fire".  
  
"SAM!", screamed Tabby, grabbing a nearby icebucket and tossing it on both Sam and the table blaze, putting it all out.  
  
"Awwww", said Pyro sadly, "you ruined my fun"  
  
On the other side of the bar, Jamie had been having a one sided converstaion with Torpid. He had just been getting to the exciting part about his adventures involving a pint of whipped cream and a horse raddish, when Ian suddenly arrived through the door. He gave Torpid a wink, before sitting down.  
  
"...Can I help you?", said Jamie, narrowing his eyes as Torpid blushed.  
  
Ian blinked at him, before shaking his head, then gave Torpid another smile. Jamie sighed, crossing his arms as the two mute's exchanged what was apparently a signaled conversation.  
  
**  
  
"I think me and you spending some time alone was a GREAT idea, Lance".  
  
Lance agve a small, strained nod.  
  
"Uh huh", he said, then gave a whimper, "Kitty?"  
  
"Yes, Sweetie?"  
  
"...Can we please drive on the correct side of the road?"  
  
Kitty blinked at him, before sighing and swerving away form the oncoming traffic.  
  
"Better?"  
  
Lance cleared his throat.  
  
"Much"  
  
"Beep beep!".  
  
Lance and Kitty turned to see Magneto....no, Pietro, running alongside their car, a huge grin on his face.  
  
"Hello, Lovers!", he said with a wink.  
  
"Goodbye, Magneto lookalike", said Kitty.  
  
With that, she swerved her car to the side, knocking Pietro off blance. He tumbled head over heels on the road, before landing in a ditch. He groaned, sitting up as Scott's car (which Kitty had 'borrowed') sped off into the distance.  
  
"Owww", he said, "well, at least it can't get any worse"  
  
Obeying the laws of life, it did.  
  
"Ugh", replied Pietro, as a passing truck sprayed him with mud and water.  
  
**  
  
The adults had finally formed themslves into teams. It must have been a bizarely evil idea that Logan and Sabertooth had been paired together, as had Storm and Mystique. The two women had moodily piled into Jean's SUV, while Logan and Sabertooth got into the X-Van.  
  
"You need a booster seat, Runt?", taunted Sabertooth.  
  
"Shadup"  
  
Logan, who in reality, really COULDN'T reach the clutch, proptly sped into a wall.  
  
"You're an idiot", said Saberotooth.  
  
"Oh, go cough up a hairball!"  
  
Xavier sighed as he watched them go off, Hank and Jason not far behind taking his beloved Bentley...they'd better not scratch it.  
  
"I hope Warren has better luck finding Seren"  
  
**  
  
Warren DID have better luck finding Seren. Unfortunately, considering he was in his early twenties, and thus neither old nor a teenager, she did the only thing she thought right to him.  
  
"I know I was supposed to do something important", said a 60 year old Warren, from where he sat on the ground, watching Seren run away, "blasted young folks, running around. In my day, we sat down and played with elastic bands.....I'm hungry"  
  
***  
  
Bwhoahaha! I can completely sympathise with Logan being unable to reach the clutch pedal, I have the same problem...in fact, it has been advised for me to get a booster cushion, heh heh. Do review and request. Until time time... 


	5. It's all relative

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "Sell all my Warner Brothers stock. I have an inside tip that Bugs Bunny's about to die"  
  
**  
  
Haloo there, my dear sweet reviewers, you know this fic has almost 100 reviews already?...That suprised me :D  
  
Elf - Did Amanda get affected? Bwhahahaha!!  
  
Shaine S - Ryro? That's a new one, what's that? Well, Tabby stripping I can certainally provide, but Bobby's ahem, busy  
  
Descendent - Storm and Mystique going at it for Forge? How could I resist!  
  
BaronOBeefDip - Wahooo, I thought I was the only one who knew what a dik- dik was, I'm not alone!! Fuzzy obessions with antelope are always fun!  
  
Asteria - Casino! Of course, mwhahaha....it scares me that I have an obsession with the things, I hope I never go to Vegas, I'll come home broke. Does Seren have a motive?...err...I'm working on that  
  
Seimosuchus - I do adore Noctune, I'm sure I can fit her in somewhere, and bring enough conflict to fill a whole season of soap operas ;)  
  
Tenshi Kanashii - It's okay chucks, no harm no foul ;) Mystique having trouble holding a shape, tee hee.  
  
Zoken - An Ian/Jamie kareoke contest for the hand of Torpid. Too good to miss!  
  
Pirate kit - Yup, being 4'5", I'm an armrest for everyone...pitty one of my friends is 6'5", I can only see him eye-to-eye if he gets on his knees. Forge witnessing said catfight? *Rubs hands with glee*  
  
Draco-luver - Ahh quite a challenge, I think I have met it!  
  
Okay, thats about as much as I can fit in, so here we go!  
  
**  
  
Chapter 5 - It's all relative  
  
**  
  
Amanda sighed as she watched her parents pace the room.  
  
"How could this have happened?", said Margali.  
  
"I bet that freak had something to do with this, he always does!!!", said Mr Sefton.  
  
"Mom, Dad, I really don't think Kurt had anything to do with me turning into a thirty year old woman...honest".  
  
Well....at least she HOPED he hadn't. But with Kurt, who could really know?  
  
*BAMF*  
  
Kurt suddenly teleported into the Sefton's living room, a bold act he would never normally do...but he HAD to make sure Amanda was okay.  
  
"Arrghhhhhh!!!", screamed Margali, passing out.  
  
"YOU!!!", said Mr Sefton, pointing a finger at Kurt, "you're older like her. You must have staged this...."  
  
"But I didn't....", started Kurt.  
  
Mr Sefton carried on heedlessly, his eyes going wider as realisation dawned on his face. He gasped.  
  
"You've made both of yourselves a legal married age so you can elope!".  
  
Kurt blinked, before grinning.  
  
"Gee Mr Sefton, I hadn't thought about THAT!", he said.  
  
"YEY!", said Amanda, taking hold of Kurt's arm, "to Vegas!!!!".  
  
*BAMF*  
  
"Wha....what happened?", said Margali, sitting up woozily, "...where's my daughter?"  
  
Mr Sefton looked at the floor sheepishly, clearing his throat.  
  
"That terrible Wagner boy stole her away...she's ELOPING!!!!", he cried, "to Las Vegas!!!!!"  
  
WHUMP. Margali was once again down for the count.  
  
**  
  
Pietro muttered to himslef as he walked, yes, walked along the road. He was in a full- scale rant with himself, when suddenly something very large fell from the sky, landing with a THUD in front of him.  
  
"Owww", said Warren, "damn it, not I have arthritis in my wings?. I hate this, hate it hate it, hate it!!!".  
  
".....Angel?", said Pietro, narrowing his eyes.  
  
Warren blinked up at Pietro, squinting.  
  
"Mr Pop'N'Fresh?"  
  
Pietro looked at Warren in horror.  
  
"NO, I'm Pietro!!!!", he said, "not a pastry man, not a pastry man!!!"  
  
Warren stumbled to his feet, chuckling and reaching out a hand.  
  
"Let me poke you in the belly, come on, I want to hear you giggle!".  
  
Pietro zipped off as fast as he could, leaving Warren alone.  
  
"Wait, come back!!", called Warren, "I've forgotten where I live!!!"  
  
He paused, sniffing the air.  
  
"Who let one rip?!!!".  
  
**  
  
"Well", said Lance, grinning at Kitty from where they were parked at make- out point, "here we are, all alone..."  
  
"Kitty!!!"  
  
"Oh, COME ON!!!", said Lance, glaring at the sky as a now adult Dani ran up to the car.  
  
"I've been looking for you everywhere", she said breathlessly, "have you seen my grandfather anywhere?. He...err..ran off".  
  
Kitty blinked.  
  
"How can your gandfather 'run' anywhere Dani?", she asked.  
  
Dani gave a nervous laugh.  
  
"Well...y'see..."  
  
**  
  
"Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, If you're young at heart", sang a teenaged Black Eagle as he strolled around Bayville park, "For it's hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind, If you're young at heart" [1]  
  
He whistled the tune as he carried on along his way, pausing to pick a rose and smell it. No cane, no arthritis, no forgeting what day it was. This was the life. All he needed now was a lovely young lady to take to dinner....  
  
He got her. Sitting on a bench was a teeange Agatha Harkness, reading a book of witchcraft, while her 'cat', Ebony [2] sat on on her lap. Black Eagle grinned, sauntering over to her and handing her the rose.  
  
"Hello", he said with a grin, "here's a rose..you'd probably want it for that book of yours".  
  
Agatha giggled, blushing.  
  
"Well that's nice", she said, batting her eyelashes.  
  
As the two 'old people' got better aquainted, Jean's SUV drove past them.  
  
"You've lost him", said Mystique.  
  
"I have not!", snapped Storm from behind the wheel, "and keep one form!!!"  
  
Next to her, Mystique was shifting from form to form in the passenger seat.  
  
"Well, if you just let me stay in my normal form, we wouldn't have a problem", said Mystique, then smirked, "but someone has a problem with competition"  
  
Storm SLAMMED on the breaks, stopping the car.  
  
"What. Did. You. Say?".  
  
Mystique grinned evily.  
  
"I can beat you hands down in my normal form, and you know it", she said, "I could turn Forge's head in a second".  
  
"I think not!", snorted Storm.  
  
"I sooooo think so".  
  
"Okay, that's it!", snapped Storm, getting out the car, walking aorund to the other side and dragging Mystique out, "it's go time, missy!!!"  
  
"Oh please, I'd break your little legs!", said Mystique.  
  
"I grew up on the streets of Cairo", said Storm, "I can look after myself, want to put it to the test? Be my guest"  
  
"You're going DOWN, Miss Goddess!!!", screamed Mystique, diving at Storm.  
  
Forge had just been heading out of the nearest mini-mall (ahh sweet accepted age of purchasing alchohol) when he noticed the two women wresting right in front of him.  
  
"Wow, I must have got me some REALLY good karma today", he said, grinning and sitting down, watching as they carried on oblivious.  
  
**  
  
In the Bar, things were going from bad to worse. Alex and Bobby had begun competeing, rather violently, for the love of Lorna, who didn't seen in the slightest bit interested in either of them  
  
"Today, little Ice-Boy, you go down", said Alex, staring down his opponent.  
  
"Not before you do, Beach-Bum", replied Bobby, "I'm ready when you are. Unless you want to back out"  
  
"Hah, I don't want to back out, a Summers never quits", said Alex.  
  
"You'll be laughing on the other side of your face before long"  
  
"..What sort of a comeback is THAT?".  
  
"Shut up, you rootin' tootin'...", started Bobby.  
  
"You're John Wayne now?", said Alex, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Hey, I once played John Wayne in a school play!", snapped Bobby.  
  
".....Your school picked a John Wayne movie for a play? When was it, Kindergarten?"  
  
"For your information, it was 'American Idols', and it was in Elementray School!", said Bobby, "One. Two. Three, GO!"  
  
The pair suddenly began trying to eat dry bar crackers from the full plates in front of them...without water. [3]  
  
"Go, go, go!!!", said Tabby drunkenly from where she as watching them, "eat 'dem little...crackers!"  
  
The rules of nature being what they were, and crackers being so dry, the boys got through half their stash before their throats got VERY dry, and both ended up being spluttering, coughing messes on the table.  
  
"No one wins!", screamed Tabby, as if someone had won, then proceeded to dance on the table, taking off her top.  
  
"Look at her go", said Bobby from his half concious state, "...hey...where'd Lorna go?"  
  
Alex pulled his head up from the table as far as it could go...wich was only a few inches.  
  
"Hot Girl?", he called out hoarsely, "Hot Girl? Come back, Hot Girl!".  
  
In another part of the bar, Piotr had been given the gleefull duty of keeping an eye on Sam. Who was currently trying to see how many prunes he could fit into his mouth.  
  
"I hate this life of mine", said Piotr with a sad sigh, "I wish I had been staying at home".  
  
Sam replied by falling off the bar stool. Jamie, on the toher hand, was getting sick of Torpid and Ian silently flirting with each other.  
  
"THAT'S IT!!!", he snapped, pointing a finger at Ian, "I challenge you to a kareoke contest!!!"  
  
Ian blinked at him for a long time.  
  
~He's mute, you idiot~, came David's voice in Jamie's head.  
  
"...Oh", said Jamie, sitting down and coughing, "I knew that".  
  
~Hey, I only have a sec~, 'said' David', ~but if you help me take over again. No, not you too, Lucas. You could have Torpid all to yourself~  
  
"I'm listening", said Jamie with a wide grin.  
  
**  
  
After Kurt had teleported himself and Amanda a safe distance from her home, he had tried to explain that he couldn't really teleport all the way to Las Vegas, and he had no money to get a plane. So instead, the pair decided to visit the local Casino in the next town, which had recently been put up, after a poll showing an unsually large amount of Bayvillians liked to gamble. [4]  
  
"Wow, I can't believe we can finally get married!", said Amanda with a happy squeal, "and my parents can't stop me!!!"  
  
"Ja, it's a dik-dik of good fortune", said Kurt with a nod.  
  
Amanda blinked at him.  
  
"...What's a dik-dik?".  
  
"I have no idea", said Kurt with a shrug, "...vhere did that come from?...Maybe it's a strange side-effect of the transformation"  
  
"Kaching!!!!"  
  
The couple turned to see Wanda gleefully playing the slot machines in the casino, she was winning, and only using her powers a little...okay, every time. And now she looked her true age, she had no reason to be kicked out. [5] Whoo-hoo!!!  
  
"Hi Wanda!", said Amanda, then gave her a big grin, "hey want to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in a hurry? Kurt already asked the bell-boy to be his best man".  
  
Wanda blinked at them, contemplating this.  
  
"Mm...I dunno....."  
  
"You'll get a whole bag of free playing chiiiiips", said Kurt.  
  
That sealed the deal. And so, Kurt, Amanda, Wanda and the Bell-Boy headed off towards the wedding chapel. Only to have a large, bizare shaft of light appear in front of them. With a thump, a teenage girl landed in front of them...a fuzzy blue elf girl with black hair, to be exact.  
  
"Owww", she said, groaning and picking herself up, glancing around, "Mimic? Blink?...Morph?" [6]  
  
She turned her head, then blinked at the adultified Wanda and Kurt.  
  
"Mom? Dad?"  
  
"Huh?", said Wanda, arching a brow.  
  
"WHAT?!!!", screamed Amanda, giving Kurt a glare, "you have a daughter?!!! And you never told me?!!! Well, that's it, buddy, no wedding, not now, not ever!!!!"  
  
With that, she gave him a good slap, then glared at Wanda.  
  
"And YOU. To think I was going to let you be my maid of honour, you braizen hussy!!!".  
  
With that, Amanda stomped off. Kurt rubbed his cheek, then started to run after her.  
  
"Amanda, honey, come back!. I don't know vho she is, honest!!!"  
  
"Don't you follow me, Wagner!", came Amanda's reply as she vanished into the crowd.  
  
Kurt blinked, glanced at Wanda and the stranger, then sat down.  
  
"...I'm confused".  
  
**  
  
[1] - Young at Heart, by Frank Sinatra, an appropriate song, I believe ;)  
  
[2] - Ebony is a real comic book character, he makes many an apperance in my Sidney Chronicles.  
  
[3] - This is based off an advert here in the U.K...Or at least I THINK I saw it on an advert o.0  
  
[4] - Most of my fics end up at some point in a casino, I don't know why, and it scares me a little.  
  
[5] - A bit of an understatement. In Sugar and Spice (part of another line of my stories, unrelated to this, don't panic) Wanda and Todd were banned from the State of Nevada for underage gambling, and using her powers for profit.  
  
[6] - Noctune is the alternaltive future daughter of Wanda and Kurt in the comic book 'Exiles' The other names she mentions are other characters in that book, part of a team that travel through differing times and dimensions of the Marvel universe, righting wrongs...Kinda like Stargate crossed with Quantum Leap.  
  
And there we go, another chapter done and dusted. Do review and send in those requests. Until next time... 


	6. Victories and defeats

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "I'm going to miss you, Krusty. Me and all the other Sideshows. Except Sideshow Bob. In the midst of our sorrow, we can take solace in the fact that your elevated blood alcohol level probably helped you burn up quicker."  
  
**  
  
How do all, here's another crazy, crazy chapter. I warn you, I was listening to my Simpsons soundtracks while writing this (long live Sideshow Mel!) so it's probably a little more insane than usual.  
  
VinGirl - If you mean Remy OR Rogue, then they'll show up seperately, but if you mean them as a couple, I'm afraid it's not going to happen. I'm still on my Romy ban (stubborn, aren't I?)  
  
Asteria - Turkeys and bunnies? Oh my!!!  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - Ian having his own 'Angel and Devil' oh that image is too good to pass up! Well, I can't do anything with Hydra, as I haven't seen season 4 (evil, evil UK!) and don't really know the characters.  
  
Nessie6 - More comic offspring? Tee hee!  
  
The Son of Logan and Ororo - Yup, gotta say you lost me there. I only have the Exiles comics Forge appears in (due to that weird obession of mine)...why is he ALWAYS evil in them?  
  
Draco-luver - Oooh some people having control of their powers? Mwhahaha!  
  
Shanie S - Forge making Mystique and Storm have a dance off for his affections? Groovy baby! I SO want to see the new S&H movie. Nope, Chucky can't walk. Ahh Rogue/Pyro. Interesting, I think I can make something up ;)  
  
Pirate_kit - Not a challenge, bwhahahahahaha! Ahem. Drunken kareoke singing is fun  
  
Elf - Yup, Pyro's popped up a bit, but we could always have more Pyro!  
  
Chaotic Dreamer - Go Monty Python! One weird challenge coming up!  
  
InsaneBunneh - Pyro and a...wombat, alrighty roo!  
  
Chaotic Boredom - One 'Poccy coming up!  
  
Both BaronOBeefDip and Seimosuchus want a chunky bloated Nightcrawler. Well, I aim to please!  
  
**  
  
Chapter 6 - Victories and defeats  
  
**  
  
Somewhere, deep in the middle of nowhere, the greatest mutant on the planet, the FIRST mutant on the planet, was plotting his schemes.  
  
"I'll take over the world, I tell you, the world!!! Bwahahahahaa hough".  
  
Apocalypse coughed.  
  
"Awww, man, I swallowed my retainer".  
  
....A teenager taking over the world just wasn't....scary. A younger Mesmero sat, combing his hair over.  
  
"Yes, sir", he said, "and I'm sure they'll all tremble at your wrath".  
  
"They'd better!", said Apocalypse, "...I have a craving for food that's high in fat and meat with questionable origins".  
  
"You would be wanting fast food then, sir", said Mesmero.  
  
"Faaa-sst foo-ood", sounded out Apocalypse, "yes, to the Apocalypsemobile!!!"  
  
**  
  
"I love to love, but my baby just loves to dance" [1]  
  
Forge sang happily with glee along with an 8-track he'd 'modified' from a public telephone. Part of his glee was due to the two women having a dance- off in front of him. He didn't notice Dani until she was right in front of him.  
  
"Forge"  
  
"Stop, I'm spinning like a top, we'll dance until we drop, but if I have my way...", he sang on.  
  
"FORGE!!!!"  
  
"....Oh, hi Dani", said Forge, knocking off his 8 track, "take five ladies!"  
  
Storm and Mystique promptly collapsed on each other. Dani blinked at them, before shaking her head.  
  
"Hi....you're old by the way", she said.  
  
"Yeah, I know", said Forge smugly, then frowned, "what do you want?"  
  
"I want you to help me find my grandfather", she said, smiling as sweetly as she could, "pllleeeaaase?"  
  
"No"  
  
Dani frowned.  
  
"Awww, come on, a favour from one Cheyenne to another". [2]  
  
"No", repeated Forge, "Black Eagle hates my guts and I'm kinda busy with the ladies".  
  
Dani narrowed her eyes. She wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.  
  
"Help me find him, NOW, Forge!", she snapped.  
  
Forge blinked as several rabbits appeared around him. [3]  
  
"BUNNIES!!", he shouted leaping up, "Okay, okay, I'll help you. Get rid of 'em!!!!"  
  
Dani smiled sweetly, the bunnies vanishing.  
  
"Thank you, Forge", she said.  
  
"...That was low", muttered Forge, heading off to find Black Eagle  
  
**  
  
"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl", , sang a still very drunken Sam on the kareoke in the bar, "with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there". [4]  
  
Rogue rolled her eyes as the bar visitors clapped their hands, singing along to the tune. She shook her head, getting up to go, bumping into a man at the same time, making skin-to-skin contact.  
  
"Oh, a'hm sorry", said Rogue.  
  
"Neh", replied the man, walking off.  
  
Rogue paused. She'd. Just. Touched. Someone. And they'd remained concious!  
  
"A'h can touch!!!", she squealed, then glanced around at the almost empty bar, "awww"  
  
She paused, pondering on this. What if it was temporary? She'd need to take advantage of this quickly. Now, who could she use who wouldn't want any personal ties afterwards?, just in case it went again?.  
  
"Damn, where's Pietro when ya need him?!!!", she snapped, then blinked as she saw Pyro sitting on his own, "...well, that's better than nothing".  
  
She grinned walking over to him. He had made a wombat out of fire on the desk, and having it dance across the table.  
  
"Hi St.John", said Rogue, batting her eyes, "what'cha doin'?"  
  
"Makin' a pet wombat", replied Pyro, "his name is Wommie".  
  
He paused, blinking up at her.  
  
"....Have you got somethin' in your eye, Sheila?".  
  
"Rogue, it's Rogue", said Rogue, "R-O-U-G-E. Easy enough, isn't it?".  
  
Okay, Rogue, this is not the way to get what you want. She gave him a sweeter smile.  
  
"Did I ever say a'h love a man with an accent?", she said, then ran a hand through his hair, "and with red hair".  
  
Pyro blinked a few times.  
  
".....No thank you, I choose conciousness".  
  
Rogue pouted then opted for the easy way out. She tackled the poor lad to the floor and gave him a big smooch.  
  
"I'm...not dead", said Pyro, "alright, I scored!!!!"  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, in another part of the bar, Jamie and Ian were still staring each other out. Neither had noticed that Torpid had gotten bored and wandered off on her own.  
  
~Dare him to make a castle out of beer-mats~, 'said' David, ~he can't do it, honest!!~  
  
Jamie grinned.  
  
"Make a castle out of beer mats", he callanged Ian.  
  
Ian's. Face. Fell. He grabbed a few and attempted on making the perfect castle...sadly, the beer mats just slid along the table. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't do it. He hung his head in shame. [5]  
  
"Hah!", said Jamie triumphantly, "I win. Did'ya see, Torpid? Did'ya.....Torpid?"  
  
He paused, no Torpid.  
  
"Awww, damn!!!", said Jamie, "If no one's here to see my mortal enemies defeat, then what's the point of defeating him?"  
  
Ian frowned, glaring at Jamie. Unseen to the human photocopier, to figures had appeared on either side of Ian's head. David on one side, in angel garb, while Lucas sported a devil number on the other shoulder.  
  
"Punch him, you know you want to", said Lucas.  
  
"No, that is a bad idea, violence never solves anything", said David.  
  
"It does in cartoons"  
  
"This is NOT a cartoon!!!"  
  
"Go on, Ian, he's dissing you, AND he scared your girl off, I say, punch him".  
  
"No, Ian, don't!!!"  
  
Ian paused for a while, considering who to listen to. Eventually, he opted for the one he always listened to, punching Jamie square in the jaw. Jamie blinked, then five Jamie's blinked, the five Jamies got over their shock, then GLARED at Ian.  
  
"...Oh poo", said Lucas.  
  
"I TOLD you so!", said David.  
  
Ian gave a nervous smile, backing up.  
  
"RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!!", said Lucas and David in unison.  
  
And run Ian did....Jamie hot on his tail.  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, in the gutbomb, Kurt was drowning his sorrows in fast food. He had so much sorrow that he'd gained an extra clothes size just by drowning them. He glanced up as Noctune and Wanda walked over.  
  
"Sorry about your girlfriend, Kurt that is not...", she paused as Wanda glared at her, "and never, ever will be my father"  
  
"That's okay", said Kurt, "maybe if I crawl under a hole and die, she'll forgive me"  
  
"Or, you could try and explain this...err..Noctune is from a very, very different world", tried Wanda, "and she has NO competition from me, because I find you one of the least attractive people on the planet....and I have Toad flirting after me".  
  
"...That's so painfull, and yet...so sweet", said Kurt, "danke".  
  
"Hey, i'll talk to her if you want", said Wanda turning around...right into a man in a turkey costume, "ARGGGHHHH!!!" [6]  
  
Wanda jumped onto a table, hexing the poor man.  
  
"Killit, killit, killit!!!", she said hysterically, until the man gave a groan and stopped moving.  
  
"Vanda, that vas a man promoting the new Chicken-not-McBurger", said Kurt.  
  
"Oh", said Wanda, looking at the unmoving man before shrugging, "oh well....I'll...go talk to Amanda".  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, Black Eagle was having a GREAT time, skipping along the side- walk with Agatha. Little did he know he was being followed. Forge was waiting, inches of jumping out on the 'old' man, before a strnage noise came from above and a teenage boy with red and hite hair, and a glowing eye fell on him.  
  
"Oww", said Forge.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I err...", Nate glanced around at the unfamiliar surroundings, "I appear to be lost" [7]  
  
"Yeah..most people who end up in Bayville ARE lost", said Forge picking himself up.  
  
He had about a second to stand before Nate squealed, giving him a bear-hug.  
  
"FORGE!!!", he said happily, "you're alive!!!!"  
  
"Yes", said Forge, "...and you know me, wait, do I owe you money? 'Cause if I do, you'll have to wait three to four months to get it".  
  
"No", said Nate, "I'm Nate. Boy, in the world I'm from you're dead...but in this...odd world, you're not, yey!!"  
  
Nate gave Forge another hug.  
  
"Please stop hugging me", said Forge.  
  
Nate did as he was told, bouncing from foot to foot like an excited puppy.  
  
"Oh, I've missed you SO much...well, the toher you, anyway, please, please, please can we do something?!!!"  
  
"But I gotta go chase..", Forge trailed off, the kid looked like he was in the presence of greatness, Forge srugged, "..err...okay then".  
  
**  
  
[1] - I Love to Love (But My Baby Loves to Dance) - By Tina Charles in 1976  
  
[2] - For those of you who haven't read any of my other fics, or read the comics, Forge and Danielle are both from the same tribe, the Cheyenne.  
  
[3] - Again, this has appeared in other fics. In my fanfic world, Forge has a crippling phobia of rabbits. (Due to one trying to eat his hair when he was a small child)  
  
[4] - Copa Cobanna....by so many people it's scary. One of the most poular songs for kaeroke..right with I Will Survive.  
  
[5] - How does Todd Fan know this? Because she does it every time she goes to the pud, and it really is hard to do...'course, being drunk might have something to do with that.  
  
[6] - Yup, I like giving people phobias, Wanda has a phobia of turkeys. (Due to one pecking her when she was a small child).  
  
[7] - From the Age of Apocalypse series (and after it too). Nate Grey is the genetically created child of Jean and Scott by Sinster. After he got out of the labs, he joined Forge's band of rebels. Forge became a surrogate father for him...until Forge was brutally murdered. Incidentally, AOA Forge was almost all bionic, he'd been roughed up, alot.  
  
**  
  
And with that, I finnish this chapter. Do review and send in those requests. Until next time... 


	7. Hormones go awry

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: 'Haapy Ester' - The card my little brother made for me today in school 0.o  
  
**  
  
Aloo my dear readers, no more alternaltive characters now, but there is ANOTHER Marvel character making an appearance in this chapter.  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - Ahh easily explained. I know of Dani and Legion because I've read them in the comics, whereas I haven't really read any Wolverine- related comics, and so have no clue who these Hydra people are. But info would be greatly appreciated, then I can stick 'em in :D  
  
ASGT - Sorry, no Remy fighting Pyro for Rogue, that would be Romy.  
  
Millenium Mutant - Rietro, huh? Wow, Rogue's turning out to be quite the hussy, isn't she? ;)  
  
Chaotic Boredom - It was Forge and Wanda that got locked up in 'The Cure'  
  
Draco-luver - Someone should have a fear of Sporks? Okay, but mainly because it's one of my favorite words, it's so fun to say! Spork! Nate and Forge go to a carnival? Okey dokey!  
  
Nessie6 - One Lancitty moment coming up!  
  
Archmagus - Your request wasn't ignored, only kept. I couldn't fit it into the last chapter, but ne'h fear, Magneto hitting on chicks is in this one ;)  
  
Risty - Mystique beating Storm for Forge? After reading the last Mystique arc, I think I can do that. M: 'Ooooh you want to get all sweaty back at the safehouse?' F: 'I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that'.  
  
Shanie S - Nate is his normal teenage self. Xavier in the X games? Logan and Sabes lost! Oh boy!  
  
Descendent - Precarious positions are always the best, particually if Jean and Scott are in them.  
  
**  
  
Chapter 7 - Hormones go awry  
  
**  
  
Stuart gave a happy sigh as he stood behind the counter of the gut bomb. He'd quit his old job as deliverly boy after that....mutant buisness. At least he knew there wouldn't be any mutants here. He was wrong.  
  
"Here we are, sir"  
  
Stuart blinked as two teenagers walked in, one with tattoo's over his face and another with a slightly blue tinge to his skin. Stuart cleared his throat, giving a smile. The customer was always right, the customer was always right.  
  
"Hi there, welcome to the Gut Bomb, how may I help you today?"  
  
Apocalypse leaned forward, squinting at Stuarts nametag.  
  
"Hello St-u-art", he said, "My manservant here tells me that I can find fa- st food here".  
  
Stuart blinked. Oh boy.  
  
"Yes", said Stuart, "this is a fast food establishment. May I take your order?".  
  
Apocalypse blinked.  
  
"Yes"  
  
Stuart waited for a while.  
  
"What IS your order?", he finally prompted.  
  
"I think you're supposed to pick something from the menu, sir", said Mesmero helpfully, pointing at the lit-up menu above the counter.  
  
"Oh", said Apocalypse, looking up, "I wish to consume the....Gut Bomb Deu- lxe, Fish-Surpise, Chicken Oh-Oh's and an Apple...Crumble"  
  
"Okay", said Stuart, tapping in the order, "would you like a soft drink with that?"  
  
Apocalypse blinked again. Soft Drink? How could a drink be soft? He looked at the menu intitled 'soft drink'.  
  
"I shall have a.... Pep-see", he said with a nod.  
  
"Normal, Diet or Max?", asked Stuart.  
  
"All three?", tried Apocalypse.  
  
"Oookey dokey", said Stuart, arching a brow and typing in the order, "and what would your friend like to eat?"  
  
"He is not my friend", said Apocalypse, "he is my manservant. He does not deserve to eat".  
  
"I am...rather hungry, sir", tried Mesmero with a whimper.  
  
"Oh, okay!", snapped Apocalypse, "he shall have a Super-Smiley-Me-al".  
  
Stuart nodded, running off to get the orders, piling them onto a tray and handing them to Apocalypse.  
  
"That will be twenty five fifty".  
  
Apocalypse blinked.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"You need to pay", said Stuart.  
  
"Apocalypse doesn't pay anything!!!", BELLOWED Apocalypse, bringing his free fist down on the counter, smashing it in two, "I should have your head for your inocelence!!!"  
  
Stuart squeaked, backing away.  
  
"Err...it's on me", he said, as he watched Apoclaypse move over to the table, making Mesmero sit on the floor to have his own food, "have a nice day"  
  
**  
  
"We're lost"  
  
Logan gave a low growl, his hands clenching the steering wheel of the X- Van.  
  
"I am NOT lost"  
  
"Yes we are", repeated Sabertooth, "I said I should have drove. You can't even see over the steering wheel!"  
  
"I can see just fine!", snapped Logan.  
  
It was then the van suddenly bumped over something. Logan stopped the van as Sabertooth stuck his head out of the window.  
  
"Did we hit a deer?", asked Logan.  
  
Sabertooth arched a brow as Mystique danced away from the van, singing 'I Win'. He glanced at the back of the van and grimaced.  
  
"No...we didn't hit a deer"  
  
**  
  
Xavier gave a whimper. How had he ended up HERE? Oh wait, yes, that was it, he chose to buddy up with Magneto. That was a stupid misake, Charles. He shifted in a sports wheelchair, looking worriedly down at the half-pipe that lay under him.  
  
"And now a newcommer to the X Games!", said an anouncer with a grin, "the Chuckinator!"  
  
Xavier shuddered.  
  
"Magnus, this was not a good idea".  
  
"Oh, shush", said Magneto from where he was flirting with a girl, "just, go for it"  
  
With a metalic hum, the wheelchair leapt off the side, tumbling down the halfpipe, Xavier's screams following it. Magneto ignored it, turning to smile at the girl.  
  
"So, as I was saying...", he said, before something WHACKED him from behind, "what the?"  
  
A VERY angry girl stood galring at him.  
  
"Pietro Maximoff, how DARE you!", she said, "you didn't return any of my calls, you said it was a special night!"  
  
"I...err..", Magneto backed away,. "that wasn't me, it was my son!"  
  
"That's a lame excuse!", said another girl, storming in through the crowd, "I bet you can't even remember my name!"  
  
"Lets get him!", said another.  
  
Magneto gave a whimper.  
  
"Magnus, help!!!", screamed Xavier as his wheelchair sailed over their heads.  
  
"Every man for himself, Charles!", said Magneto, running away from the mob of angry girls chasing him.  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, the true Pietro Maimoff had limped back to the kareoke bar. He hurt in places he didn't even know existed. He stopped dead when he saw Rogue palying with Pyro's hair.  
  
"Now wait just a minute!", he said, marching forward, "why are you with that guy....and why isn't he unconcious?"  
  
"A'h got control of ma'h power", said Rogue, then paused, "a'h wanted someone to help me take advantage of it before I get changed back".  
  
Pietro looked flat out hurt.  
  
"And you didn't come to ME? The KING of one night stands?!!"  
  
"A'h couldn't find you", said Rogue, then smiled coyly, "but you're here now"  
  
"What about me?", said Pyro with a whimper.  
  
Pietro scooped Rogue up in his arms, pulling out a spork from one of the bar tables, weilding it like a sword.  
  
"Back off, Aussie!"  
  
Pyro took one look at the spork, screamed bloody murder and ran for it. Pietro blinked, looking at his weapon.  
  
"I guess the spork is mightier than the sword", he said, before running off with Rogue in his arms.  
  
**  
  
"Always look on the bright side of life, do do deo do de do de do".  
  
Jason grimaced as Hank sang at the top of his lungs as they drove Xavier's Bentley around, trying to find the escaped teens. Quite frankly, he was getting sick of his company. He closed his eyes, taking another mental scan of the area.  
  
"Hey, I got two!", he said, "turn right!".  
  
Hank grinned, swerving the car down a road before stopping. Both adults got out, glancing around.  
  
"I don't see them", said Hank.  
  
"They're here", said Jason, narrowing his eyes.  
  
There was suddenly a giggle from the bushes at the side of the road. Jason's eyes widened, and he ran off, screaming. Hank blinked.  
  
"What a strange man", he said, glancing behind the bush, to see Jean and Scott in a VERY percarious position, "WHA?!!!"  
  
Jean sat up very quickly, straightening out the few clothes she was still wearing.  
  
"Scott was helping me find my...err....hair pin".  
  
**  
  
"Wow, you're REALLY good at carnival games, Forge!"  
  
Forge chuckled as Nate followed him, the kid covered with prizes.  
  
"Hey, some people have it, some don't", said Forge with a grin, "I didn't spend my teenage years avoiding learning for nothing!"  
  
"Foooooorge!"  
  
Forge blinked as Mystique ran over to him.  
  
"Storm said I could win", she said, grabbing his arm, "come on lets go, now, now now!"  
  
Forge blinked.  
  
"She...did?", he said, then pouted, "awww, I'd have thought she'd put up a better fight than that"  
  
"Well, she didn't", said Mystique, "she gave up really quickly"  
  
Mystique decided not to mention the reason Storm had 'given up' was because she had been tossed in front of a speeding vehicle. She grinned, dragging Forge off. Nate watched them go.  
  
"I'll just...wait here, should I?"  
  
**  
  
"Oh, Lance, this was a great idea", said Kitty, leaning on his arms.  
  
"Really? It's just the Gut Bomb", said Lance.  
  
"But we're eating here together", she said with a happy sigh.  
  
"Are you drunk, Kitty?", asked Lance.  
  
"A little bit".  
  
Lance gave a nervous laugh, walking in. He blinked as he watched Apocalpyse tossing bits of food at Mesmero, who caught them from where he sat on the floor, eating the morsels greatfully.  
  
"No more mutants!", screamed Stuart, seeing the pair coming, "I quit this job, quit it!!!"  
  
With that, he ran out of the door, pushing back an adult Peter Parker on the way.  
  
"Err...hi", said Peter, waving at Lance and Kitty, "I've had a bit of an...err..accident"  
  
**  
  
Stuart, in case you are all wondering has appeared in another of my fics 'While the Adults are Away'. He'll appear in random fics from time to time The scene's with Apoclaypse thinking Mesmero unworthy of a meal are inspired by the movie 'Just Visiting'. And there's another chapter down. Please do send in those requests. Until next time.. 


	8. Smashy Smashy

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy"  
  
**  
  
Hello, my dear readers, ahh what fun it is to write a comedy while eating a lindt chocolate b-u-n-n-y.  
  
Red Witch - Kelly torture? You got it!  
  
Asteria - Storm shall get her revenge on Mystique  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - Ahh now I know of whom you speak, here's some Hydra goodness just for you :D  
  
Nessie6 - Sabes and Logan bikering right up!  
  
BaronOBeefDip - Kurt trying to lose his weight? Tee hee  
  
Shanie S - One changed member of the fantastic four done!  
  
Taineyah - I think that, yes, Sabertooth can get chased up a tree by a dog  
  
Draco-luver - Another request for Kelly torture! And more Jamie/Torpid/Ian fun?  
  
Ellen - Hulk? You got it! Sam's fear of eyes and anything to do with them is from 'When the Adults are Away...'.  
  
**  
  
Chapter 7 - Smashy Smashy  
  
**  
  
"Uuuum....Miss Viper Lady?"  
  
A teenage Viper groaned, turning her head to where an equally teenaged Omega Red was waving a hand in the air.  
  
"Yes, Omega?", she said frustratedly.  
  
"Well...I was thinking...will we really be able to be taking over the world in this way?"  
  
Viper frowned. She drummed her hands on the La-zee-boy recliner which she had chosen for her throne. 'Comfortable AND practical'.  
  
"Gauntlet assures me that this new weapon will help us take over the world, the world!!!", she took a deep breath, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Bwhahahaha!", laughed Omega, only to have Viper smack him up-side the head.  
  
"Only I may do the evil laughter!", she said, "Gauntlet, bring in....Weapon W!"  
  
A teenage Gauntlet strode proudly in, carrying a big, metal, heavily sealed box. He deposited on the table in front of Viper, before unlocking it. He got a grasper out and put it into the box pulling out...a little ball with some sort of weasel attached to it.  
  
"....A novelty toy?", said Viper.  
  
"No!", said Gauntlet, "this is the most deadly weapon known to man!"  
  
He VERY carefully turned the ball on, watching as it rolled around the floor, the weasel seemingly chasing it. [1]  
  
"Go, little weasel, go!", said Gauntlet, "look at it chase!!!"  
  
".......I need a new job", muttered Viper.  
  
**  
  
"She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not"  
  
Pyro sighed as he blew out fire petals on his fire daisy. How could Rogue dump him for the speedy boy? Well, he'd get 'em back, he'd burn them all!!! Pyro suddenly paused his his thoughts, glancing around.  
  
"My Firey Sense is tingling!", he said, standing up, "don't burn out, little fire, Pyro's coming!".  
  
With that, he dashed off, eventually coming to a large green teenager being attacked by a...wow, a guy made of FIRE!!  
  
"Hulk SMASH!", shouted teen Hulk, throwing a car at Johnny's head, "die, puny fire-man!"  
  
"'You can handle this on your own'", mocked an adult Human Torch, diving out of the way of the car, "'don't worry about it Johnny!' Hah, they just want to go off celebrating being teenagers!".  
  
Suddenly, a pieces of his flaming hair moved off his body, eclosing the Hulk in a fire cage. Hulk growled, grabbing hold of the bars, then yelping like a hurt puppy.  
  
"Owwie, bars burn Hulk!", he said, sitting down to suck on his thumb, "Hulk hates everyone, everyone's so mean to Hulk!"  
  
As the green monster began to cry, Johnny turned to see his saviour, meeting a grinning Pyro.  
  
"Errr..hi", said Johnny, flaming off, "I'm Johnny Storm, better known as the Human Torch, one of the Fantastic Four!"  
  
Pyro blinked.  
  
"Oh", said Johnny, coughing, "...there's usually applause after that. Err..thanks"  
  
"You're welcome mate", said Pyro, "I'm St John Allerdyce, better known as Pyro, one of the Acolytes"  
  
He paused.  
  
"Johnny and St John, Pyro and Human Torch", he said, suddenly pulling Johnny into a hug, "we're soul mates, we are!"  
  
"Err.....okay", said Johnny.  
  
**  
  
"Come on, fight that flab!", said Richard Simmons on TV, flamoyantly dancing back and forth of the screen.  
  
"I'm TRYING!", snapped an overweight Kurt, trying to follow him, "if you veren't so damn cheery, it vould help!"  
  
"No pain, no gain. Though the pain barrier, push it, push it!"  
  
"Puuuuuushing", said Kurt in a strained voice, before collapsing on the floor.  
  
"Good plan, Kurt, sleep more", said Freddy, "I gave up too. Never hurt me"  
  
Kurt opened one eye.  
  
"NEIN!", he said, "I vill vin back Amanda's love! I vill become thin and agile again! Freddy, vill you train vith me?!"  
  
Freddy looked at Kurt as if he had grown an extra head.  
  
"You must have me confused with another Freddy", he said, walking away.  
  
**  
  
Torpid sighed happily from where she was sitting in the park, feeding pigeons.  
  
"Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime, you are neeaaar".  
  
Torpid blinked, glancing around as Jamie appeared from behind a tree.  
  
"Just like me, they long to be, close to yooooou" [2]  
  
Jamie smiled, handing Torpid a rose.  
  
"Sorry I scared you off", he said with a smile, then looked up as Ian walked from some bushes, pushing Pinciple Kelly in front of him. Principle Kelly sighed...he was dressed as a big teddy.  
  
"This is rediculous", he snapped, "release me at once!"  
  
Ian frowned, a little fire sparking around him.  
  
"Okay, okay!", squeaked Kelly, dancing in front of Torpid, singing, "I'm your teddy bear, all for you, because Ian loves you!"  
  
"Oh, gee, he rhymed 'you' with 'you', genius", said Jamie sarcastically.  
  
Torpid rolled her eyes at the pair, taking off her gloves and grabbing them both, freezing them.  
  
"Free!", said Kelly, preparing to run away before Toprid grabbed his ankle, "...or not".  
  
As he froze, Torpid walked around him, carrying on along her way.  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, Mystique was still dragging Forge along.  
  
"Raven...can we slow down a bit...what are you running from, anyway?"  
  
"Nothing!", said Mystique, "just enjoying a brisk stroll"  
  
RUUUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBLLLLE  
  
Mystique squeaked at the thunder, turning to see Storm limping towards them. Her hair was everywhere, she was dragging her right leg and she had gravel embedded in her face, but walking she was.  
  
"Forge, loook over there!", said Mystique suddenly, pointing in the other direction  
  
"Huh?", said Forge, turning around, the squeaking in suprise as Mystique snapped his bionic arm off, "HEY!".  
  
"Sorry", said Mystique, before smacking Forge over the head with his arm [3]  
  
THUNK. Forge hit the ground like a ton of bricks.  
  
"What did you do that for?!", said Storm, limping over.  
  
"If I can't have him, then you can't either!", snapped Mystique.  
  
ZZZZZZAAAP!  
  
Mystique squeaked as she was hit by several lighting bolts, then blinked as they stopped.  
  
"Errr....I think we'd better get Forge to a doctor....he doesn't seem to be moving...", said Storm, giving him a prod.  
  
**  
  
"I can't believe you let a woman beat on us like that!", snapped Sabertooth as he and Logan, both frazzed by zarious lightning attacks.  
  
"You don't know Storm, she can hold a grudge for a long time", said Logan with a shudder.  
  
Suddenly, a little toy weasel on a ball rolled past them. Sabertooth blinked, before his eyes fixed on it.  
  
"Brrmeow", he said, suddenly flattening onto his stomach, crawling after the ball. [4]  
  
"Victor...get off the floor", said Logan, "come on, it's a stupid toy!"  
  
"Meowpurr", said Sabertooth.  
  
"He is taking the bait!", whispered Gauntlet from where he, Viper and Omega Red were hiding in the bushes.  
  
"Grrrrrrrrrr!"  
  
Sabertooth stopped dead. He turned to see a big domberman growling at him. His hair stood on end and he hissed, running up a tree, clinging to it with all his might. Logan shook his head, heading off to by the tree.  
  
"Get down, you idiot"  
  
"Hiiiiisssss!".  
  
"DAMNIT!", snapped Viper, then blinked as the weasel ball moved towards them.  
  
"Oh dear Gods, it is going to kill us all!", screamed Gauntlet.  
  
"I will save us!", said Omega, picking it up, then blinking at it, "why for is it ticking?"  
  
BOOOM!  
  
**  
  
[1] - Inspired by The Simpsons, gotta love Professor Frink.  
  
[2] - Close to You, by the Carpenters.  
  
[3] - From Mystique #12, where in their not-really-to-the-death fight, Mystique smacks mind-controled Forge with his own leg.....as you can guess, it was a rather..err violent battle, I'm suprised both of them are still alive, and looking so healthy three hours and fourty minutes later.  
  
[4] - My own cat does this with his weasely bally toy thing.  
  
Heh heh. Hope you all enjoyed that chapter, lots of pain in it, no? Do send in those requests. Until next time 


	9. Battle of the novelty toys

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "It's already mutated into human form. Shoot it"  
  
**  
  
Wahoo, a brand new chappie!  
  
Asteria - Yes, she hit the Fantastic Four, that's where the Human Torch is from ;)  
  
Nessie6 - Though the 'Spidey sense' thing did appear in the Simpsons, it's originally a line from Spider-Man.  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - How are the other Fantastic Four members doing? Let's find out!  
  
BaronOBeefDip - Over-fed Kurt? A turkey in a rabbit suit carrying a spork? Mystique calling someone a Baka? Well, those three are VERY bizare...and thus I adore them! Yes, yes and yes!  
  
FaDiNgSiLvErStAr - More Stuart? You got it! And Poccy flirting with Kitty? Tee hee  
  
Draco-luver - Fighting the weasel ball with a mounted fish and dyeing a sleeping Forge's hair, such fun!  
  
DragonBlond - More Torpidness is yours!  
  
**  
  
Chapter 9 - War of the novelty toys  
  
**  
  
"Gee, Freddy, I really am greatfull for you offering to help me get rid of this veight"  
  
Freddy grinned, giving Kurt another milkshake.  
  
"Don't mention it, Blue-Boy", he said, "these'll help you in no time"  
  
"Vho knew you could mix low-fat milkshakes?", said Kurt guzzling down his twenty first milkshake of that day.  
  
Freddy blinked at him.  
  
"...Low fat?"  
  
Kurt dropped his milkshake.  
  
"Uh oh"  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, Magneto and Xavier were hiding in some bushes.  
  
"How long before they find us, do you think?", whispered Magneto, as a pack of angry girls searched out 'Pietro'.  
  
"Plink", replied Xavier...he hadn't exactly been acting normally since his 'fall'.  
  
"A little more imput would be helpfull", said Magneto testilly.  
  
"THERE you are!", Peter Parker landed between the pair, "I've been looking for you guys all over, I need help"  
  
"I am bed buddy", said Xavier, "sleep on me" [1]  
  
Peter blinked.  
  
"....Is he okay?"  
  
"No", said Mganeto, "Charles took a little slip"  
  
"So...he's actually no use to me whatsoever?", said Peter.  
  
"No"  
  
"Well...that's just GREAT", snapped Peter, "I come all the way from New York for the help of a genius, and I get a idiot!"  
  
"My head is nice and shiney, like a bowling ball", said Xavier, giggling and patting his head.  
  
**  
  
In another part of town, the teenaged Fantasic...err...Three were battling the most foul of villians, one of vile that only super-powered beings dared go near it.  
  
"It's rolling this way!", shouted Sue Storm as the weasel ball rolled towards them.  
  
"I've got it!", shouted that ever-lovin'-blue-eyed Thing, jumping on top of it, only to be zapped with electricity  
  
Suddenly, Mr Fantastic himself appeared, carrying a mounted fish under his arm, he tossed the fish right at the weasel ball.  
  
"Are you feelin', feeelin' down, everything's gonna be okay", sang the 'Al's Dancing Fish', dancing to the beat. [2]  
  
The weasel ball started spinning around in circles, before stopping with a 'phfft'  
  
"No one beats the Fantastic.....Three", said Sue, then sighed, "we should go get my brother, huh?"  
  
**  
  
Torpid had opted to go hiding in the zoo, why were those stupid boys following her? Boys were so....stupid! She stopped as something tapped her shoulder, spinning around to zap either Jamie or Ian.  
  
"Whoah, Torpid, hold fire!", squeaked Lucid, takign a quick step back, "...you're more jumpy than usual".  
  
Torpid scruched up her face, attempting to mime her mis-adventures. Lucid blinked, cocking his head to the side, trying to decipher it.  
  
"You were chased by a large aligator?", he tried.  
  
Torpid shook her head, trying again.  
  
"Oh, you've been chased by two boys who both want your heart and keep battling for it?".  
  
Torpid nodded.  
  
"Oh", said Lucid, then blinked, "bummer"  
  
"I'm gonna get to her first, loser!", camed Jamie's voice, then a pause, "you go to hell first!"  
  
Torpid squeaked, running into the park keepers shed as Jamie and Ian came running up. Jamie glanced aorund.  
  
"I'm SURE she was here!", he said, then grinned at Lucid, "have you seen Torpid"  
  
"No", said Lucid.  
  
"Is she in that shed?", asked Jamie as he watched Ian try to pull it open.  
  
"I don't know", said Lucid, walking away.  
  
"Yes you do, you can look through walls!", snapped Jamie, "get back here, I'm not done yet!"  
  
**  
  
"MY HAIR!!!!!!"  
  
A few hours after his 'sleep' Forge had awoken, minus his beloved binoic arm and with a nasty headache. With neither Storm nor Mystique at the scene, he'd wandered, still rather dizzily off to find out where either woman was....or more importantly, what they did with his arm. Unfortunately, he'd passed a mirror store, to find his beloved hair had been died pink.....flourescent pink. Across the street, Storm and Mystique watched this from the sushi resteraunt behind their menus.  
  
"He looks POed", said Mystique.  
  
"What are we going to do with this?", asked a still roughed up Storm, pointing to the arm on their table, "we should give it back to him"  
  
"No way!", said Mystique, "I'm keeping it as a momento".  
  
"Baka!", said the chef, pointing at Mystique as she picked up the arm, "baka, baka, baka!!"  
  
"....I don't think he wants that in there", said Storm.  
  
"....No kidding", said Mystique dryly.  
  
It didn't take long for security to arrive, tossing both women out onto the street.  
  
"Ahem", said Forge, walking across, tapping his foot.  
  
"Every woman for herself!", said Mystique, tossing the arm at Storm, morphing into a bird and flying away.  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, at the Gut-Bomb, Lance was scowling. The reason Lance was scowling was because Apocalypse was flirting with Kitty...and she was enjoying it.  
  
"Haven't you forgoten how evil and OLD this guy is?", he snapped.  
  
"But I'm not old NOW", said Apocalpyse, "fair maiden, do you wish for me to dispatch this heithen?"  
  
"Err..no, not JUST yet", said Kitty, then sighed, "tell me more about Egypt"  
  
"You can ask Storm about Egypt anytime", muttered Lance.  
  
"Shh", said Kitty.  
  
The door opened and Stuart trudged in.  
  
"I forgot my last pay check", he said, then squeaked as Lance grabbed him.  
  
"I want that mummy to lay off Kitty", said Lance, "and you're going to help me"  
  
"Ulp", said Stuart.  
  
**  
  
"Hey, I just heard of a great bonfire a bunch of hippies are gonna have", said Pyro, bouncing, "lets go!!!"  
  
Johnny sighed, hanging his head.  
  
"Pyro...I have to go back with my team now, my sister's just told me we're leaving"  
  
Pyro blinked.  
  
"What?", he asked, "but...but what about us?"  
  
"We're from two different worlds", said Johnny, "I'm a hero, you're a villian....it'd never work out"  
  
"But", Pyro whimpered, "but were star-crossed buddies! There's so much we haven't done yet! We..we haven't taken advantage of fireworks, caused a major inferno...sang Kumbaya in front off a camp fire"  
  
"Well...I'm sure I can come to see you now and again", tried Johnny.  
  
"Yeah, right, when?", muttered Pyro.  
  
"Err....your birthday?", said Johnny.  
  
"Sure, that's only once a year", said Pyro, kicking up some dirt sadly, "just go"  
  
"Sorry, we'll always have the semi-major inferno in the park", said Johnny, heading off with the rest of the Fantastic Four.  
  
Pyro sniffed, watching him go.  
  
"He's out of my life, He's out of my life", he sang sadly, "And I don't know whether to laugh or cry, I don't know whether to live or die, And it cuts like a knife, He's out of my life" [3]  
  
With that, he sat down to cry.  
  
"THERE you are!", said Remy, "you want to come poke Kurt with a stick? Freddy fed him too many milkshakes and now he's really fat!"  
  
Pyro stopped crying.  
  
"Okay", he said with a grin, walking off with Remy, his heartbreak apparently forgotten.  
  
**  
  
At Hydra HQ, Gaunlet was showing off 'Death Wepon: Mark 2'.....Viper was not impressed.  
  
"What the hell were you thinking, Gauntlet, you idiot?!", she said.  
  
"What? It is a great weapon!", said Guantlet.  
  
A turkey with rabbit ears and a bunny tail tapped to it scratched at the ground, a spork dangling from a chain around it's neck.  
  
"It is a turkey!", snapped Viper.  
  
"I call him Mr Gobbley", said Gauntlet, "he has been mind-warped"  
  
"...And what, pray tell, can he do?", said Viper, rubbing her head.  
  
"Well, according to research I amde on the fears of the enemy", started Gauntlet, "he will be a spork-weilding-turkey-rabbit-who-pecks-peoples- eyes".  
  
"And this will defeat our enemy?", asked a cast-up Omega Red.  
  
"Oh yes", said Gauntlet, "and we shall rule the world!"  
  
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!", they all laughed.  
  
"Only I am to do the evil laughter!", Viper reminded them, making them fall silent, "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
**  
  
[1] - A quote from a show my brother watches 'Ed, Edd and Eddy'..it stuck me as...odd.  
  
[2] - This is the name, and one of the songs sung by my own dancing fish, yes I have one :)  
  
[3] - An....altered version of 'She's out of my Life' by Michael Jackson  
  
And the madness ends for another chapter! Do review and send in those requests. Until next time... 


	10. Love is strange

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "You know, this town is the absolute embodiment of dull. Apart from the occasional sex scandal provided by yours truly, nothing happens here"  
  
**  
  
Aloo all, many of you asked why Xavier said he was bald when, in fact, he has hair. Well, he did have a nasty fall....  
  
Todd: Translation:, Todd Fan forgot. She has the short-term memory of a goldfish.  
  
Oh gee, thanks, Todd, you'll pay for that one! Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to my little brother, who had his 11th birthday yesterday. *Grins* Todd Fan got to ride in a limo....a limo full of screaming kids, but a limo, none-the-less.  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - Mmmm, well, I think X23 should listen to those lovely hormones. Go get Rocky, girl!  
  
The Uncanny R-Man - As with Kelly torture, I NEVER say 'no' to Jean torture. Oooh and biker chick Rahne is SO much fun!  
  
BaronOBeefDip - Yes, I think I can arrange Kurt getting trapped in a window  
  
Dragonic Soul - The Spork is there because Pyro is afraid of them ;D  
  
Draco-luver - Wow, more requests for a stuck Kurt. More senile Warren is yours. *Perks up ears* Did you say the 'V' word? I think you did!  
  
Shanie S - The flaming dancing wombat is back!  
  
Taineyah - Why yes, yes I can do something cruel to Spider-Man  
  
**  
  
Chapter 10 - Love is strange  
  
**  
  
"I SAID I was sorry".  
  
"Harump", replied Forge as he and Storm walked down the street, heading to the nearest hairdresser.  
  
"I would have thought you'd like it", she said, "you know...pink and the seventies stuff?"  
  
"No one, and I repeat, no one touches my hair", said Forge moodily, crossing his arms...at least he'd got his bionic arm back, "let alone make it look stupid by colouring it"  
  
Storm paused.  
  
"And it doesn't look stupid with that hat on it?".  
  
Forge blinked. What was wrong with his gold sequin hat? He'd worn it all the time in the 70's, the chicks dug it.  
  
"This is the only hat I have", he said.  
  
"Then you need a new hat", said Storm as they entered the hairdressers.  
  
"Helooooooooooooooooooo!", said a barber dancing over to them, "how can I help you? Does this beautifull woman want something? We can do lots and lots!"  
  
"Actually, I nee...", started Forge.  
  
"I'll have a mohican!", said Storm suddenly, cutting him off. [1]  
  
"What?", said Forge, blinking at her.  
  
"I always wanted one", said Storm with a shrug as the barber led her off.  
  
"But...", said Forge, sighing defeatedly and sitting down, "what about my hair?"  
  
**  
  
Pyro sighed sadly as he leaned against the wall of the institute, keeping his flaming wombat alive.  
  
"You're my only friend now, Wommie", he said as the wombat danced around him.  
  
"Pyro, are you goning to help us or not?!", snapped Remy.  
  
Pyro glanced up watching Remy try to pull Kurt out of the kitchen window of the Institute, while Freddy pushed on the other side. Apparently, Kurt had been trying to dispose of all of his milkshakes through the window, leaned out a little too far and managed to get himself trapped.  
  
"I can smoke him out", the Aussie offered.  
  
"NEIN!!", squealed Kurt, trying to struggle out of the door.  
  
"Why don't you just 'port?", asked Freddy...it was a little unnerving pushing someone larger than himself.  
  
"I'm too big", cried Kurt, "it's too much veight to carry!"  
  
"You are SO going on a diet after this, mon ami", muttered Remy.  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, many, many miles away, Scott and Jean were in Vegas...okay, so they'd gone to the conviently close casino in the next town, but still..the effect was there.  
  
"It's this the BEST idea, Jean?", asked Scott, leaning over a roulette table....he paused, glancing around when he got no reply, "Jean?...Jean?"  
  
Jean wasn't really all that far away...she was in the kitchens...washing dishes.  
  
"But my boyfriend's here", she protested to the chef, "he'll pay for my meal, honest!"  
  
"Until he comes, you wash dishes", snapped the chef, "wash them 'till they sparkle! SPARKLE!"  
  
"Okay, okay, I got it, sparkle", said Jean, muttering under her breath as she continued to work off her tab. That was the last time SHE'D eat lobster in a fancy resteraunt.  
  
**  
  
"And then I decided to have my own set of statues, they were really nice".  
  
Kitty sighed happily as Apocalypse drawled on.  
  
"There has GOT to be a way to make Kitty see what a loser he is", said Lance, "what do you think?"  
  
"I think we should get ourselves a hotel room for the night, Hot-Stuff"  
  
Lance blinked...that wasn't what he'd expected Stuart's reply to be. He slowly turned around to see X23 grinning at him.  
  
"....Did you just say....", he stammered, then blinked, "but Kitty..."  
  
"Aww, she's making goo-goo eyes over the mummy-man", said X23, smiling coyly "I bet we could make her REALLY jealous, she'll come crawling back to you".  
  
Lance blinked again.  
  
"And you're not interested in me...emotionally?"  
  
"HELL NO!", said X23, "but I'm up for a good time"  
  
With that, she dragged him past Kitty and Appocalypse's table, giggling slightly. Kitty glanced up frowning as they left.  
  
"Where's he going?"  
  
"To quote the young people of today", said Mesmero from the floor, "they are going to 'Get Jiggy With It'"  
  
"WHAT??!!!", snapped Kitty.  
  
**  
  
Elsewhere, Rahne had been inspired by Sam's decsion to 'let things go'. And so, using her new 'look' to her advantage, she'd rented herself a morotcycle and some gear, and had taken to tearing along the streets of Bayville.  
  
"Wahoooooo!", she screamed, "out of the way, loooosers!"  
  
She laughed manically, speeding past Warren as he walked along the road....apparently, she didn't notice the fact that she was trailing a familiar webbing, attached to a familiar photographer on her back spoke.  
  
"Help meeeeee", shouted Peter as he was dragged past Warren.  
  
"Damn whipper-snappers!", snapped Warren, shaking his fist, "trying to take over the whole road! Why don't you get yourselves inroled into a youth programe?!!"  
  
**  
  
[1] - Storm went for a period in the comics when she had her hair in a mohican, ironically, it's what she was wearing when she first met Forge.  
  
And there is another chapter done and dusted! Do send in lots of those lovely requests. Until next time... 


	11. Marvelicious

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "My eyes were watering, and my tongue was swollen, and from that moment on, I was more careful about what I lick".  
  
**  
  
Hey all, okies, first of all, Strom now has a Mowhawk, not a Mohican, thanks to Goldylokz and Shanie S for pointing it out to me, proves I wasn't paying attention to myself. ;)  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - *Gasp* How could I forget Evan? *Hugs poor Spykey boy* Here's some screentime for you! And Viper wants her Trojian rabbit? Tee hee!  
  
Draco-luver - Warren having a debate with the TV..while someone films him? Oh such fun!  
  
Chaotic Dreamer - Mmmm, methinks Forge has enough women for now ;)  
  
Red Witch - One cat-fight between Kitty and X23 coming right up!  
  
Archmagus - That is a good question, TJ and Wanda have been found, and there is a grandparent for some fun and laughter!  
  
Risty - An ARMY of fire wombats? Well, that's too good to let go  
  
The Son of Logan and Ororo - Wow, you're right, there's soo much potential I'm missing. Hence forth, here are some more Marvel peeps who get to suffer, suffer I say! Bwahahaha!  
  
Anonymusreviewer - The Baddock twins? Well, okey dokey, but I warn you, I like Betsy about as much as I like Jean, so she's gonna get tortured ;)  
  
Nessie6 - More Sam? Some Tabby/Ray fun? Okey dokey doo!  
  
Purity Black - No fears, I can stand the Logan/Jean pairings, it's the Logan/Storms I don't get. So, here's some Logan/Jean fun for you :D  
  
Sareph - Who is X23? She's Logan's clone-but-not-quite that first appeared in Season 3. Magneto getting pounded by a mob of girls? Tee hee.  
  
BaronOBeefDip - Hei ho, hei ho, to weigh the elf we'll go.  
  
Seimosuchus - Boris, huh? Well, okay then ;D  
  
Shanie S - Logan scaring Sabes with a puppy flipping thingie? You got it!  
  
Evo-Gurl180 - Sorry, Chucks, this is as young as they get. If you want young, check out the two Baby Blues fics that were set before this one (oooh a shameless plug :D )  
  
**  
  
Chapter 11 - Marvelicious  
  
**  
  
"This is hopeless", sighed Kurt.  
  
He'd been finally dragged out of the Institute and had been rolled, yes, rolled into town, where he'd been deposited on the 'test your weight' machine.  
  
"Oh, don't worry, mon ami", said Remy, "just because you broke the scales in the institute doesn't mean you'll break dese ones".  
  
"Yeah", agreed Freddy, "these baby's are as hard as nails. I use them all the time".  
  
With that, he uncerimoniously dumped Kurt onto the scales...which promptly collapsed.  
  
"Ooooooh", cried Kurt, "I'm going to be a fat lump forever!!!"  
  
Suddenly, an old lady ran over, hugging Kurt.  
  
"Boris?", she squealed, "oh, I knew I'd find you again! My precious little kitty-cat"  
  
"Errr....he is not a cat", started Remy.  
  
The old lady turned to beam and Remy and Freddy.  
  
"Oh, you two are such GOOD boys for finding my little Boris", she said, fishing in her purse and handing them some money, "here, go and buy yourselves some nice things"  
  
"Oh, we can't take your money because that really isn't your....TWO HUNDRED BUCKS?!!", Freddy blinked at his money, "I hope you and your cats are very happy, M'am"  
  
"Qui, glad to be of service", smiled Remy.  
  
"Vait", squeaked Kurt, watching the two run off, "I'm not a cat"  
  
...The old lady apparently didn't hear him, dragging him off.  
  
"Come along, Boris, lets take you for some kitty-witty-chow"  
  
**  
  
In the HQ of S.H.I.E.L.D, Nick Fury was pacing around. Nick was not in a good mood. The day had started out so well, until he'd taken a stroll and ended up looking like a teenager, that was. Gary, one of his many agents walked tentitavely up to him, tapping his shoulder and clearing his throat.  
  
"Err....sir?", he squeaked, "we have a problem"  
  
"What is it NOW?", snapped Nick, "can't you see I'm THINKING?!!!"  
  
....Apparently, Nick Fury had terrible mood swings when he was a teen.  
  
"Well", said Gary nervously, "we had reports of a red-haired man leading an army of..."  
  
He paused, checking his notes to be sure he was ABSOLUTELY right.  
  
"An army of dancing wombats of fire", he said, "right towards the mayor of Bayville's office"  
  
Nick rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh, well, good for him", he said sarcastically, "now where's my pizza?! I ordered it TWO HOURS AGO!"  
  
"....It will be here soon, Sir", said Gary, "...err...Sir?"  
  
"Are you still here?", growled Nick.  
  
Gary shuffled from foot to foot.  
  
"Sir...what should we do about the fire wombat army.....problem?"  
  
"I don't care!",. snapped Nick, storming off into his room, "I HATE YOU ALL!"  
  
Gary winced as the door SLAMMED shut, followed by very, very loud rock music.  
  
**  
  
"I can't believe you didn't think to look for me!", snapped Jean, storming past Scott.  
  
"Well, I didn't think you'd try to get a meal without paying for it!", snapped Scott back.  
  
"I bet if I had a different boyfriend, he would look after me", said Jean, "I have dishpan hands, DISHPAN HANDS!!"  
  
She waved said hands in front of Scott.  
  
"You know, you're talking, but all I can hear is blah, blah, blah!", he retorted back.  
  
"Haumph!", said Jean, holding her head up high, "well, In that case, I'll get a new guy..that one for instance"  
  
Scott looked in the distance.  
  
"That furry guy that kinda looks like a cat?", he asked.  
  
"No!", snapped Jean, "the one that tormenting him with that toy"  
  
"You can only see him from the back", pointed out  
  
"So?", said Jean, sauntering over to him.  
  
"Hey Saaaaabeeey", chuckled Logan, sticking a yappy-cartwheeling puppy by the terrified mutant, "watch it bounce!"  
  
"Yip, yip", said the puppy, doing a cartwheel.  
  
Sabertooh hissed at it, before running away as fast as his legs could carry him. Logan chuckled to himself, before blinking as something tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"Hhello, Lov-er", said a very familiar voice.  
  
Logan blinked turning around to see Jean.  
  
"ARRGGGGGGG!", they both screamed.  
  
"Oh, Logan, I didn't know it was you", said Jean, flustered.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Well, you don't look like yourself!", pouted Jean, watching Logan back away quickly, "oh, don't run off!"  
  
She sighed frustratedly, running after him. It seemed no one had noticed a giant wooden rabbit covered in brow carpet parked a few feet away from them...unusual things were common in Bayville, so passers-by barely batted an eyelid at it. Nor did anyone see the three pairs of eyes peering out a tiny slot in the front from within it.  
  
"May I be asking a question, oh great leader?", asked Omega, holding up a hand.  
  
"What?", said Viper.  
  
"Why for are we in a giant wooden rabbit, which is getting very hot?", he asked.  
  
"Because Gauntlets stupid turkey ran into the lazer room and blew itself up!", she snapped, "this is plan B. We watch them from this close, and they do not know we are here"  
  
"This rabbit, it is very hot", said Guantlet, wiping his brow, "and the mutants, they have gone now, can we please be getting out?"  
  
"Oh, fine!", said Viper, "but only because I'm hot too!"  
  
Guantlet nodded, tugging at the door. It was jammed. He frowned, tugging harder, until the door came off in his hands.  
  
"Uh oh", he said.  
  
"What do you mean 'uh oh'?", asked Viper, narrowing her eyes, then seeing the door, "we're TRAPPED in here?!!!"  
  
"Maybe just a little bit", said Gauntlet with a chuckle.  
  
"Wait", said Omega, "I see a light!"  
  
He pointed to the back of the rabbit, where there was a hole, just big enough for a person.  
  
"I will go", said Gauntlet, standing proudly, "then I will release you".  
  
With that, he headed to the hole, starting to pull himself out. Meanwhile, outside, Betsy and Brian Baddock, both adultified, were walking, pausing to see the sight.  
  
"Betsy, that giant rabbit is giving birth!",he said, "I told you there were wonderfull things to see in this contry!"  
  
"Brain...you're an idiot", said his twin, shaking her head, then grimacing as a green arm poked out of the rabbit [1]  
  
The arm was followed by Gauntlet's ugly head, causing the twins to run off in disgust.  
  
"Gaaauuughhhh!", shouted Gauntlet as he got his torso out, then stopped, "...oh dear...I am stuck".  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, Tabby had gone off in search for trouble and found Ray arguing with a teenage boy in a dress, a hammer next to him.  
  
"I am THOR!", snapped the teenager, "how dareth you not move out of the way!"  
  
"Hey", snickered Tabby, "what's with the guy in the dress?".  
  
"Dress?", said Thor, narrowing his eyes, "how dareth you speakth to me so? Dost thou not noeth who I am?!"  
  
"He sounds like Mr McCoy after he's been drinking", chuckled Ray.  
  
"Let's tease him some more!", said Tabby, "hey, Thelma, whatcha doing with that hammer?"  
  
THEMLA? HAMMER?! Thor narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Thouest mock my name, and then thoust mock Mjolnir!", he said, "for that, thou must perish!"  
  
"Ooooooh", said Ray, "I'm really, really scared...not"  
  
"Have at thee!!!", shouted Thor, moving to swing his hammer at Ray, unfortunately, he couldn't pull the thing off the ground.  
  
"Have...at..thee", he grunted, yanking at it, "awww...PIDDLE!"  
  
"What's the matter Thelma?", snickered Tabby, "not go enough strengthy- wenthy?"  
  
"Thouest will pay with thine LIVES!", shouted Thor.  
  
"Uh huh....sure we will", said Ray.  
  
"I'm bored", Tabby stated, grabbing Ray by the arm and dragging him off, "lets go bother someone else"  
  
"COMETH BACK, YOU COWARDS!", shouted Thor, struggling after them, dragging his hammer inch by painfull inch after him.  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, in the nearest hotel,....  
  
"Stop phasing so I can hit you!"  
  
"Never!"  
  
Lance watched as Kitty and X23 rolled around on the floor. Kitty had found their hotel room, phased into it and the two girls had thusly begun to try to beat the tar out of each other....or at least they would if Kitty didn't stop phasing.  
  
"You're a coward!", snapped X23.  
  
"And you're a man-stealer!".  
  
"Hussy!"  
  
"Chalotan!"  
  
"YOU!"  
  
"Ladies....are you getting tired yet?", said Lance, ducking as a lamp was sent his way, "okay...I guess not"  
  
**  
  
Warren frowned as he watched TV in the Worthington estate.  
  
"Oh, please, Dawson doesn't love Jen, he loves Joey!", he snapped, "I know better than this! Why do teenagers have to use so many big words anyway?!!" [2]  
  
Sam chuckled from where he was hanging by the widnow filming this one-sided debate.  
  
"Oh, this is priceless!", he said, "ah'll win the ametur home video award of the year for sure!"  
  
**  
  
A teenaged Calisto blinked as a teenage Iron Man smiled at her from inside an Iron suit too big for him.  
  
"You want me to help you?"  
  
"Yes, please", said Tony, "I'm sort of...err..stuck here"  
  
Calisto rolled her eyes.  
  
"Fine, take him to the sewer!"  
  
"Sewer?", blinked Tony as a few Morlocks showed up, dragging him away.  
  
An adultified Evan chuckled watching them go. Before seeing a scary, scary sight. His aunt..in a mohawk.  
  
"Auntie.....Auntie O", he squeaked, pointing a finger at her, "hair...hair...none...what...why...confused"  
  
"Do you like it?", asked Storm, running a hand through it, "I think it looks great"  
  
Evan shuddered, putting on a fake smile.  
  
"Yeah, it looks great, Auntie O", he lied, "suits you".  
  
He paused as Forge followed close behind.  
  
"Sure, leave me to pay for it", he muttered, then looked at Evan, "what?!"  
  
"Did you know your hair was pink?", he pointed out.  
  
"Oh gee, no, no I did not", said Forge sarcastically.  
  
"ARRGGGGHHH!", came a scream from the sewers.  
  
"What on earth was that?", asked Storm, blinking.  
  
"Oh, that was Tony Stark", said Evan, "Calisto's dragged him into the sewers so no one pushes him over. He's a genius, you know"  
  
Forge replied with a snort.  
  
"Hah, Tony Stark!", he said, "He thinks he's soooooo big. Well, I could out- think him anyday! Watch out, Tony, I'm coming after your cushy government job! Bwahaha!" [3]  
  
Evan and Storm blinked at him.  
  
"I think Forge needs to lie down", said Evan  
  
**  
  
"Oowww.....the pain"  
  
Magneto crawled along the street, battered and brusied after the pack of girls believing him to be Pietro had caught him and beaten him to a pulp. He finally collapsed, before looking weakly up as Wanda and a blue elf-like girl smiled at him.  
  
"GRANDAD!", said TJ, giving him a hug.  
  
"Grandad?", blinked Magneto, "how long have I been semi-concious?".  
  
He paused, looking up at Wanda.  
  
"Apparently, she's mine and Kurt's daughter...."  
  
WHUMP.  
  
"...from an alternaltive dimension", Wanda finished as he father fell to the floor, "...Dad?"  
  
She gave Magneto a prod.  
  
"...Huh"  
  
**  
  
[1] - The whole escaping the rabbit scene is inspired by 'Ace Venture: When Nature Calls'. Watching Jim Carey crawl naked and sweating out of a rubber rhino is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.  
  
[2] - Dawson's Creek - a teen angst series with a whole lot of analysis. I admit, I do love this show.  
  
[3] - When he made his very, very first appearance in the comics, Forge had, indeed, taken over Tony Starks job as their governement inventor guy.  
  
There we go, more than enough madness for one day, methinks. Do send in those reviews and requests. Until next time... 


	12. Rivalry's and partnerships

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "Look at his...their heads. He...I mean, they...is...are wearing the Ring of the Nine Dragons! This is a grammar nightmare!"  
  
Okay my dear readers, this is the last update I can make for this story for a while. I leave to go on holiday to Orlando (oh yes, my first time the the States!, look out, American citizens, bwhahahahahahaha!) on Saturday, and won't be back until the 30th. I didn't really want to wrap this fic up with only 12 chapters, so you'll just have to be patient until my return ;)  
  
The Uncanny R-Man - Cheerleader Emma Frost having a phsycic cat-fight with Jean? Tee hee.  
  
Nessie6 - More Pietro? More Todd? You got it  
  
BaronOBeefDip - Sorry, I don't watch Anime, so I have no clue who or what Inuyasha is, but that wonderfull Simpsons reference is a hoot!  
  
Draco-luver - Warren arguing with the gutbomb, got it!, Kurt in a kitty bib. Oh, so much fun!  
  
The crow that caws at half past 6 - What an interesting name :) One Maximoff family outing present and counted for.  
  
Theblackking - Shaw cheating on Jean from Emma, wow, I have a lovely lovers..errr..rectangle now ;)  
  
Risty - Welp, I did the baby thing in the two stories before this, so, as seen as I see Shortpack around Warren's age...I think ye see where I'm going. Calisto having her wicked way with Ironman? Oh yes!  
  
Shanie S - Good luck with your kitty. Don't worry, these Marvel characters are around for a while yet. Daredevil? She-Hulk? You got 'em!  
  
Raliena - Here's a couple of JLA characters just for you :D  
  
Ivan Alias - Glad you like them, oh yes, the boys will get their turn soon enough in that series ;) Todd and Wanda scenes? I can NEVER say no to that! :D  
  
Animeluvr1 - Cap. America being a buddy for Logan, okey dokey.  
  
Jaguar - Wow, to list them all would take an entire chapter. So here's a handy guide, anyone under 20 (this includes Gambit, Colossus and Pyro) are now adults in their 30's, anyone over 30 are now teenagers, anyone in their 20's are now old people. The only exception to this rule is Forge, who, now looks his true age of around 36-37. Pietro and Rogue? You got it :D  
  
Ellen - Many cats trying to kill Kurt? Tee hee  
  
Seimosuchus - Old cat-lady gives Kurt a bath? Hah hah!  
  
C-wolf - A youthfull Doc Oc? I think I can do that ;)  
  
Chapter 12 - Rivalry's and partnerships.  
  
In the Gut Bomb, Stuart sighed, drumming his fingers on the table. He stared as Warren stormed over, carrying his tray of food, glaring at him.  
  
"The food doesn't look like it's picture!", snapped Warren.  
  
"Pardon...winged seinior citizen?", asked Stuart  
  
Warren pointed roughly at the picture above him.  
  
"That looks suculent and delicious", he poked his food, "this is a fatty, smelly nasty reproduction and I WANT MY MONEY BACK!"  
  
"Err..one moment sir", said Stuart, running off.  
  
"He won't come back", said an equally old Hawkgirl next to Warren, "they never do"  
  
Warren blinked at her, before grinning.  
  
"I'm in LOVE!", he said, then paused, "no..wait..it's a stroke" [1]  
  
Hawkgirl rolled her eyes.  
  
"Not interested"  
  
"But I have lots and lots of money!", said Warren with a grin, "and I have aligators" [2]  
  
Hawkgirl arched an eyebrow, before shaking her head.  
  
"I'm leaving now", she said, wandering towards the door, only to be stopped by a member of the Gut Bomb staff.  
  
"You haven't paid for your food", he said, "you can't leave yet!"  
  
"I go where I wanna go!", snapped Hawkgirl, pulling out her mace, "hheeeyyah!"  
  
With that, she slammed the staff member out of the way, strolling out of the Gut Bomb like nothing had happened.  
  
"What a woman", sighed Warren.  
  
"There's a pretty little Boris. Don't you look handsome?!"  
  
Kurt groaned as the old lady plucked him out of a bath tub and put a kitty bow on his head.  
  
"There, you stay there like a good kitty and I'll bring you some chow"  
  
As she wandered off, Kurt growled, shaking the water out of his fur and pulling the kitty bonnet off his head.  
  
"I have to get out of here", he muttered, then paused, hearing a hissing sound...lots of hissing sounds.  
  
He blinked, turning to see many, many cats staring at him, growling, hissing and spitting.  
  
"Eeep", he said, "nice kitties, good kitties"  
  
He gave a nervous laugh, before diving for the phone, trying to dial 911, with great difficulty. He put his phone to his ear as he heard a voice.  
  
"The fingers you have used are too fat. Please mash the keypad with your palm now", came the operators voice.  
  
"NEIN!", he screamed, as the cats closed in, "help me, the kitties, they are coming! Help me!!!!"  
  
Meanwhile, down in the Morlock tunnels, Torpid had found a new 'friend'. After escaping from Ian and Jamie, she'd discovered a tiny little man, a tiny little man aged into his 80's. Fascinated by this, she'd taken him down into the tunnels and put him into a shoe box, watching him as one would a small animal.  
  
"Let me out you young girl with freakishly big hands!", squeaked Shortpack, running around, looking for an escape.  
  
He blinked as Torpid deposited a hamster wheel in his box  
  
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me", he muttered, then blinked as screaming echoed thoughout the complex, "I'm going to die here..aren't I?"  
  
In another part of the tunnels, Calisto had strapped Ironman to a chair.  
  
"Please let me go", he whimpered, "I've changed my mind, outside's fine, outside's FINE!!!"  
  
"Oh, hush!", said Calisto, ticking a finger under his chin, "I haven't had a man-toy for a while, you can be my new one"  
  
"Oh...goodie", grimaced Tony, trying to struggle away.  
  
In downtown Bayville, a teenage Daredevil was trying to bring down a teen She-Hulk.  
  
"Just come quietly, Miss Hulk and no harm will come to you", said Daredevil.  
  
"Oh, come on!", shouted She-Hulk, "I was only downloading things from Kazza, seesh! Everybody does it!"  
  
"Not the good citizens who respect copyright laws!", shot back Daredevil, "they're almost as bad as those damn fanfiction writers! Stealing things that don't belong to them and twisting them into their own physcotic visions!"  
  
She-Hulk blinked.  
  
"Geez, Matt, you really need to get a girlfriend", she said, before blinking as a teen Juggernaught shoved Daredevil away.  
  
"Is this creep botherin' you?", he asked with a smile, "you want me to flatten him?"  
  
"I can flatten him myself!", snapped She-Hulk, before grinning, grabbing Cain by the arm, "but you can buy me a soda"  
  
"Allrighty then", grinned Juggernaught, walking off with her, leaving Matt sitting in the road.  
  
"I'll get you She-Hulk, I'll....She-Hulk?", he paused, "you there? Aww come on, being quiet is CHEATING!"  
  
Pietro, meanwhile, was still flirting with Rogue.  
  
"And it was then I discovered, that I couldn't perfect perfection".  
  
Rogue groaned, shaking her head, this was soon losing it's quality. Suddenly, there was a gust of wind, and an adultified Flash was posing in front of them.  
  
"Well, heloooooo there pretty lady, he said with a grin, "and what might your name be?"  
  
"Hey, she's mine!", snapped Pietro, zipping up to him, "I got to her first"  
  
"Yes, but I'm much cuter", said Flash, "and chicks dig the secret identity"  
  
"So, I'm the traumatised son of a supervillian", said Pietro, crossing his arms, "what have you got?"  
  
"A tight-fitting uniform", said Flash with a smirk.  
  
"Well, so do I!!!", snapped Pietro, zipping off, appearing a few seconds later in his uniform, which was VERY tight in his new body, "SEE?!!"  
  
"Oh dear lord, there's two of them", said Rogue, rolling her eyes, walking off as they argued. [3]  
  
"Yes, I know, youngsters can be so...unruly. My Nicholas given me THAT many grandchildren, it hurts my head, and they are so disrespectfull" [4]  
  
"I know", said Black Eagle, patting Agatha on the back, "just once, I'd like Danielle to listen to me. She's getting idea's from the Maker, I know she is! Wanting to live outside of the tribe, ignoring her heritage, hah!" [5]  
  
"Well, hello there"  
  
The both now young elderies turned to see a teen Doc Oc smiling at them...or more precisely, smiling at Agatha. He chuckled, one of his tenticles tickling her chin, making her giggle.  
  
"Hi there, sweet thing, want me to take you out to a movie?", said Doc Oc with a grin. "Hey, I saw her first!", snapped Black Eagle.  
  
"Take a hike!"  
  
"Drop dead!"  
  
"Boys", said Agatha, clearing her throat and standing, "you can BOTH take me to a movie"  
  
Both blinked at her before shrugging, each taking one of her arms as they walked off.  
  
Meanwhile, Logan had managed to escape Jean, only to have Sabertooth trailing after him, teasing him for having a teenager crushing over him.  
  
"Logan?"  
  
Logan stopped, blinking as a teen Steve Rodgers walked up.  
  
"Steve!", he said, "I haven't seen you since..well..the last...unpleastantness, how have ya been?" [6]  
  
"I went to see the world!", grinned Steve, "it's pretty big..and nice when you're not being shot at all the time"  
  
"And who's THIS?", said Sabertooth, crossing his arms.  
  
"No one fer you to bother with", said Logan, walking off with Steve, "lets go drinking, 'ol buddy, 'ol pal"  
  
"We can't in these bodies", said Steve with a sigh.  
  
"Don't worry", said Logan, tapping his nose, "I got some at home"  
  
"Awww...can't I come?", whimpered Sabertooth, hanging his head as they walked off, "I'm so very lonely"  
  
Magneto sighed sadly, as he plodded along, Noctune chattering away at him about her world, and how different it was. It was Noctune's idea to have a picnic, one for the whole family. Havign tried to get Pietro to join, they were unsucessfull, as he was still fighting with Flash, so Todd had volunteered to go in his place.  
  
"So..you have a kid with the Elf?"  
  
Wanda sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.  
  
"No, Toad", she said, for probrably the hundreth time that day, "it's a different me and Kurt"  
  
"So...you don't want to get it on with him?", asked Todd.  
  
"NO!", snapped Wanda, "I want to sleep with Kurt as much as I do YOU!"  
  
Todd blinked, confused.  
  
"Does that mean ya want a threesome?...'cause I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, Cuddlebumps"  
  
"ARRRGGGHHHH!", screamed Wanda, throwing a hex-bolt at him.  
  
"Go mom!", cheered Noctune.  
  
Xavier, meanwhile, had gone to disrupt a fight...a rather unusual fight. He'd caught it on the phsycic wavelength and decided to check it out. What he'd found was weirder than usual. Jean and an adultified White Queen were locked in a deadly phsycic battle, while Scott and a adultified Sebastian Shaw were rolling around on the gorund, pummeling each other.  
  
"STOP THIS NOW!!", roared Xavier...he'd had a long, hard day.  
  
Everyone stopped in mid punch, kick, or phsycic bitch-slap, looking at him in shock.  
  
"What happened here?", groaned Xavier.  
  
"SHE tried to steal Scott from me", hissed Jean, pointing at Emma.  
  
"Only because SHE tried to steal Sebastian!", retorted Emma.  
  
"Oooookay", said Xavier, turning to the boys.  
  
"He hit on my girlfriend", they said in unison, pointing at one another.  
  
"Oh, that's IT", snapped Xavier, "I've had enough of you stupid teenagers and you're damn teen issues. I quit, you hear me? QUIT!!"  
  
With that, he wheeled off, laughing manically.  
  
"That's....not a good thing", said Scott.  
  
[1] - Gotta love Grampa Simpson ;)  
  
[2] - An in-joke to my 'pick on a group' series, you'd need to read Teacher Training to know of it's significance.  
  
[3] - Ahh yes, the age-old Quicksilver Vs Flash. Which do I think is better?...well, to be perfectly honest, they're so alike, I can't chose.  
  
[4] - The the comics, Agatha had a son called Nicholas Scratch, who had seven children, all by different mothers. Things got complicated, and after much weirdness, Agatha's grandchildren burned their own grandmother at the stake....lovely.  
  
[5] - 'The Maker' is another name that was used for Forge, kinda his tribal name. I believe his full title was something like: 'The Maker Of All Things, Of Spirit And Of Substance'....yeah, you can kinda see why he prefers Forge.  
  
[6] - Steve, or Captain America, reappeared quite randomly in the Baby Blues stories, cured from the effects of Operation: Rebirth....which is why he isn't frozen.  
  
Well, that's it until I come back, do keep those reviews coming in though ;) Now all I have to think about is how I get all those big X-Men metal cutouts from the Marvel Superhero island through customs...mmmm. Until next time.. 


	13. Has anybody seen our professor?

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "I'm going to teach you to flee. Flee with the blinding speed of a true coward"  
  
---  
  
Hey howdy hey, readers! Here is yet another chapter of this mad fic, after my adventures in America. Good news, UK peeps, season 4 of Evo is starting here on Monday, Toonami, 6pm...okay, so it starts with the last 4 episodes of season 3, but then it goes onto season 4. WHOO!  
  
---  
  
Asteria - Plot?. What is this word...'plot'?  
  
The Uncanny R-Man - Well, I don't know most of those characters, I usually stay firmly in the X-Men area. I've already had Fantastic 4, but I think I can toss in a Galctus :D  
  
Nessie6 - Yes, it was from the Simpsons, it was a reader request. More wombat army is yours!  
  
Red Witch - Epcot I did indeed go....during a monsoon too, being trapped in 'Inovations' for half an hour with a talking robot....what an interesting experience ;)  
  
Draco-luver - Oh fear not, you shall see a trip to the Aligator farm in my next 'pick on a group' fic. Laughs evily But you can certainally see Cookie.  
  
Honeybug17 - Yes, a very hot place Florida is, my poor Welsh head could hardly handle it when it started hitting the 90's. Magnus, okey dokey :D  
  
The crow caws at half pass 6 - One Thor making one Bruce Banner angry up and done!  
  
Raliena - You can indeed have Batman :D  
  
Archmaugs - Mags having age issues? You got it.  
  
SperryDee - One teen Caliban, just for you. TJ calling Mystique 'grandma'? Tee hee.  
  
BaronOBeefDip - Kurt in the record books? Magneto going Simpsonic? Such fun!  
  
Randomnimity - Spider-woman in a battle with Calisto for Mr Stark? You got it.  
  
Many people have asked me to include Selene, sadly, she is one of the characters I can't really figure out (her entries in my X-Men encyclodedias make my head spin), so I'll try and squease her in during these final few chapters, if someone can give me an idiots guide to her ;)  
  
------  
  
Chapter 13 - Has anybody seen our Professor?  
  
-----  
  
"The wommie party goes marching two by two, horah, horah!"  
  
Pyro giggled manically as he led his flaming wombat army through Bayville. He paused when a dark shadow in the shape of a bat fell on him.  
  
"Oh my God!", he screamed, "it's Kiwi Ken!"  
  
Batman landed next to him, blinking.  
  
"I'm not Kiwi Ken", he said, then coughed, making his voice deeper, "I'm your worst nightmare"  
  
Pyro blinked.  
  
"You're a spork?....You don't look like one"  
  
"No.....no I am not a spork"  
  
Pyro's brow furrowed.  
  
"Then you're not my worst nightmare, mate"  
  
Batman cocked his head to the side.  
  
"Are you trying to play mind games with me?", he asked, "because I have a defense against that!"  
  
With that, Batman closed his eyes, and began to hum Frère Jacques..loudly. [1]  
  
"You're madder than me, you are", said Pyro, shaking his head, "but I like you"  
  
He clapped an arm around Batman's back.  
  
"Lets go drinking!"  
  
-----  
  
Kurt sighed boredly, wondering when his life had gotten so...out of whack. Oh wait, that's it, when his alternate dimension daughter showed up, making Amanda run off from him and making him eat so much he could bearly move.....funny how things worked out, huh? He peered over the edge of the wheelbarrow he was being carted around in. Oh, what he'd give for freedom again.  
  
"Oh, this is SO great, Boris", said the little old lady, "you've got into the record books for the worlds heaviest cat, aren't you proud?!" [2]  
  
"I'm not a cat!!!", screamed Kurt, "didn't the judges even see that I am...vell...I'm not exactly sure VHAT I am, but I know I'm not a cat!"  
  
"Yes, we'll get you some meowmix soon", said the old lady.  
  
"That's IT!", snapped Kurt, "I'm getting out of here!"  
  
With that, he half-fell, half-rolled out of his wheelbarrow, and began rolling down the hill. The old lady carried on toddling along without him, apparently not noticing the loss of her 'cat'. Kurt rolled and rolled down the hill, until something stopped him.  
  
"Ahhhh, sweet freedom", he sighed, looking up to see himself at the foot of....a giant wooden rabbit?.  
  
Kurt blinked again, looking a little higher to see the head and torso of Gaunlet peering out.  
  
"Hello", said Gauntlet, "can you be helping me out?"  
  
Kurt blinked once more, before doing the only logical thing he could do.  
  
"ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!"  
  
-------  
  
Elsewhere, Scott and Jean were walking around Bayville, shouting as loud as they could.  
  
"PROFESSOR?!!!"  
  
"PROFESSOR XAVIER, WHERE ARE YOU?!!!"  
  
"PROFESSOR?, PROFESSOR, COME HOME!"  
  
"I think we've lost him, Jean", said Scott with a defeated sigh, "what if he was really serious about quitting?"  
  
Jean waved her hand.  
  
"Scott, he said he was really serious when he wanted to be an ostrich farmer...and that fell through" [3]  
  
"Yes but...we can't find him", said Scott, begining to hyperventilate, "what will we do without him? Our whole dream will fall to pieces. WE'LL ALL DIE!!!"  
  
Jean blinked.  
  
"You know, I think the others are right", she said, "you DO have waaaay too close a relationship with the Professor"  
  
----  
  
Meanwhile, deep in the Morlock caverns, Calisto had straddled poor Tony Starks suit and was tickling his chin.  
  
"You and me could make beautifull music together", she purrred.  
  
"I'm not very musical!", squealed Tony, "I'm an inventor. Inventors are tone deaf, honest!"  
  
Calisto blinked.  
  
"I always thought that Reed Richards had a very nice voice", she said.  
  
"Well, Reed's just weird!", snapped Tony, "just like that Forge guy. Thinks he's so big. He's not a real inventor. He cheats, snot nosed little..."  
  
There was a sudden THUNK sound as a rock landed on his head from a gutter up top.  
  
"Owww, my eye!", snapped Tony.  
  
There was the sound of evil laughter, before the sound of thunder crackling.  
  
"Topsiders", muttered Calisto, "they're all a bunch of freaks and weirdos"  
  
"UNHAND THAT MAN!"  
  
Calisto rolled her eye.  
  
"I heard you coming a mile away", she said, turning to look at Spider- woman, "what do ya want, you Peter Parker wannabe?"  
  
"I want Tony Wony back!", she said, "we have a datey waitey"  
  
Calisto blinked, looking between the two.  
  
"Datey Waitey?", she said, before smirking at Spider-woman, "too bad, he's got a real woman now. CALIBAN, DISPOSE OF THE SPIDER-PERSON!"  
  
A teen Caliban, still looking like an extra from Michael Jackson's Thriller music video, trudged in with a frown. [4]  
  
"I am not a sssssslave, you know", he said, "I have a life too. Doessss anyone asssk Caliban what HE'D like to do? NOOOOOO!".  
  
A small aligator toddled in after him, snapping her jaws around. Calisto wrinkled her nose.  
  
"Didn't I tell you to get rid of that thing?!", she said.  
  
"Cookie?", said Caliban, pointing at the gator, "ssssshe won't go!" [5]  
  
"Oh please!", said Facade, appearing where he'd been camoflaged on the wall, "you're getting attached to her!"  
  
"Errr...I'm in a bit of a precarious position for such an audience", said Tony with a nervous laugh, still being pinned by Calisto.  
  
The Morlocks, however, ignored him.  
  
"Am not!", snapped Caliban, looking down as Cookie nuzzled his leg, "I'm leaving!"  
  
With that, he stormed out, Cookie following happily behind. Once they were out of earshot, Caliban pciked her up tickling her chin.  
  
"Who'sss a cute little gator?", he said in the best 'baby voice' he could manage, "you are! Yesss, you are"  
  
----  
  
Elsewhere in Bayville, Thor was poking the now sleeping Hulk with his hammer...Or at least nudging the hammer in Hulk's general direction, still unable to pick it up.  
  
"Waketh thou up, green fiend, and take thine beating!".  
  
Banner opened one eye.  
  
"Leave Hulk alone!", he snapped, "Don't poke pointy puny hammer in Hulks face".  
  
"Have at thee!", shouted Thor, then looked at his hammer, trying to lift it, "this...really...sucketh".  
  
Banner was pulling himself up to crush Thor to a pulp when a teen Galactus appeared.  
  
"Mom told me to clean my room!", he snapped, "she said I couldn't have any snacks. But this is only a little planet, so it won't do MUCH harm".  
  
"GALACTUS!", came a booming womans voice, "what have I told you about snacking on planets before tidying your room?!!"  
  
"Awwwww, but MOOOOOOOM!", whined Galactus.  
  
"Straight to be this minute, mister!", snapped..err...Mrs Galactus seinior  
  
Galactus sighed, flying off, muttering about hwo much his parents hated him.  
  
"Okay.....that was weird", said Hulk.  
  
"I agreeth", said Thor, blinking.  
  
-------  
  
Meanwhile, Noctune, Wanda and Todd were still trying to bring Magneto back into the waking world.  
  
"Dad...dad, wake up", said Wanda giving him a prod.  
  
"Lensheer, Erik Lensheer, he's the greatest guy in history", sang the barely concious super-villian, "from the twon of Bayville, he's too old to be a grandpappy"  
  
Wanda frowned, giving him a kick.  
  
"WAKE UP!"  
  
Magneto opened one sleepy eye, giving a groan.  
  
"Oh, I had the most terrible dream", he said, "I dreamt that we were having a picnic and I had an alternate dimension granddaughter, and then I hit a tree and..."  
  
He paused, looking around him, Noctune still smiling at him, Todd on a nearby rock and Wanda in mid-kick.  
  
"Oh...it was real", he said, then sniffled, "but I'm too young and beautifull to be a grandfather!!!"  
  
"No, you're not, you're old and you smell funny", said Mystique, walking over after her recent 'escape' from Storm.  
  
"Grandma!", squealed Noctune, giving the shapeshifter a hug.  
  
"Raven, meet the alternate version child of my daughter and your son", he said.  
  
WHUMP.  
  
Noctune blinked, poking Mystique, who was now on the floor.  
  
"I have an odd effect on people in this world", she mused.  
  
Suddenly, there was a rip in the space-time-continum and Magnus fell out, blinking around him, before noticing Magneto and grinning.  
  
"FATHER!"  
  
Magneto blinked, counting on his fingers.  
  
"Awww, come on, not ANOTHER one!"  
  
------  
  
[1] - This scene was inspired by an episode of Justice League I saw, where Batman does just this to get rid of some...weird skull-badguy. I just find the image of the dark knight humming such a sickeningly happy tune highly funny.  
  
[2] - If you're wondering, the heaviest cat to ever grace the record books was Himmy, a tabby tom cat from Austrailia, who reached 21.3kg/46.9lb. Himmy, not suprisingly, died of respiritory failiure in 1986, at the age of 10. Bet you really wanted to know that, huh?  
  
[3] - This is just one of the many bizare ideas my father makes on a monthly basis. Other memorable ideas include the 'homing pigeon taxi'and, most recently the 'petrol driven lawnmower collection'. This is very tue...fear for me. Boy, I hope it's not genetic 0.o  
  
[4] - If you haven't seen this music video, I truly pitty you.  
  
[5] - Again, this is a reference to Teacher Training. Let's just say it involved Warren, Eggs and a Toilet.  
  
There's another chapter done and dusted. There's not that many chapters left, but still a few, no need for the pitchforks just yet ;) Do review and request. Until next time 


	14. Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "That's not a bottle of booze! It's his magic bottle that makes his problems go away.......nevermind"  
  
---  
  
Hi all, the next chapter will be the last. Methinks the randomness has hurt Todd Fan's poor little brain. But not to fear, it won't be the last in the story line...you wait until the next story in this arc, bwhahahahahahahahaha!  
  
---  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - Ahh thanks for the info. I'm afraid after the Justice League, the cartoon version at that, my hero knowledge kinda...dies. The only DC comic I bother with is 'Fables'. But I'll try to throw in Superman ;)  
  
Red Witch - After the Jurassic Park 'river ride' in Universal, I lost the nerve to go on anything that went slightly fast...yes, I'm a coaster coward ;). I did go on the Ellen ride though, Bill Nigh, the Science Guy!.  
  
Asteria - Batman is here because he was requested. Not to worry, U.S didn't scare me that much....except for that one couple whom, when I said I was from Wales, responded with 'Wow, we didn't think you people really existed!'. 0.o  
  
Draco-luver - Ahh, I too have seen PoA sniffs what did they do to my favorite HP book? They ripped it into pieces and danced on the remains. DANCED! Cries manically...ahem.  
  
The crow that caws at half pass six - Well, I don't know my DC's very well, but I'll give it a shot ;). Bishop coming after Forge? Oh the fun I can have!!  
  
BaronOBeefDip - One Todd quote and great meow all done and ready!  
  
C-wolf - A skinny teen kingpin is all yours :D  
  
Andivari - It wasn't me it was...err...my brother! Yeah, pre-pre-teen hormones and all that!. Okay...I might have done a bit of it. Beast on a Not-A-Date, Shazam!  
  
UniversalAnimeGirl - Random insanity is what I excel at, M'dear ;) Yes, I have that many cameo's, I can remember who's where...it's scary 0.0  
  
L1701E - Ahhh thanks for the info, don't feel insulted if I don't include your OC, stuff, bar about counts on fingers three exceptions, I have a personal rule about not using others OC's ;)  
  
Chaotic Boredom - Thanking you. Yes, my dad is a never-ending source of entertainment, betting within the family what he will do next, scary thing is...he's very serious about his 'projects'. They left Noctune behind? 0.o. Must get that issue. One Lilandra for you, but I haven't the foggyest who Deathbird is. ;)  
  
-----  
  
Chapter 14 - Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda  
  
-----  
  
"So", said Mystique, where she was sitting with most of the aged-changed people....and their various jolted- from- time offspring, "are we all decided we find Charles and get a way to get us all back to normal"  
  
The crowd nodded.  
  
"I don't", said Forge.  
  
"You don't count!", snapped Hank, smacking him over the head, then paled, "oh no, I was supposed to be in a conference! I MISSED IT!"  
  
"Big deal", said Warren, waving a wing, then paused, "is this where I live?"  
  
"No, Warren, this is NOT where you live", groaned Storm, pinching the bridge of her nose, before smiling at Hank, "I know why you wanted to go, you had a date with Shannon, didn't you?"  
  
"No I did not!", snapped Hank, blushing, "it's Not-A-Date!"  
  
"You do sooooooo!", laughed Storm.  
  
"Does so too what?", asked Rogue, squeaking as Magnus lauched himself at her.  
  
"MOTHER!", he said.  
  
Rogue blinked.  
  
"Hownow and whatnow?"  
  
Kitty winced, before leaning in to whisper into her ear. Rogue looked positively ill, making a run for the mansion.  
  
"Unclean, unclean, unclean!", she screamed.  
  
"Oh, gee...thanks", said Magneto dryly.  
  
ZZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPPPP  
  
Suddenly, Bishop appeared out of a porthole, holding a rather large gun. As soon as he caught sight of Forge, he aimed his gun at him.  
  
"Ah HAH!", said Bishop, "I have caught you, you pond-scum-of-the-universe!"  
  
Forge blinked slowly.  
  
"Do I owe you money?", he tried, "'cause I put a cheque in the post, honest. You people call my people, we'll get it all sorted out"  
  
Bishop narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Don't try to weasel your way out or this one, I know you're evil, Forge. Evil as...err...a very evil thing!"  
  
"Old buddy of yours?", quipped Logan.  
  
"Oh yeah, lots of my buddies point guns at my heads", said Forge dryly, them smiled at Bishop, "you got the wrong guy, honest"  
  
Bishop blinked, pulling out a sheet of paper from his pocket.  
  
"I have someone fitting your description and powers", he said, "you have to be arrested for attempting to destroy the Earth". [1]  
  
The crowd were silent for a moment, before bursting into hysterical laughter.  
  
"HEY!", snapped Forge, "I could if I wanted too"  
  
Bishop cocked his gun.  
  
"Not that I would!", added Forge quickly, he smiled, "y'see, it can't be me, 'cause I don't normally look like this. I normally look seventeen"  
  
Bishop arched a brow.  
  
"You do not look seventeen now"  
  
Forge coughed.  
  
"No...", he said, then sighed, "get stuck in a teen body again or get arrested by time-cop. Man, my life SUCKS!"  
  
----  
  
Meanwhile, in a bar, Xavier was drowing his sorrows.  
  
"I hate my job, I hate my life", he said with a sigh, "mother always told me to go into accounting, I should have listened to her".  
  
Next to him, sat Clark Kent, who nodded in sympathy.  
  
"I hear you", he said, "If I'd have stayed on the farm...well, my life would have been alot easier"  
  
"Chucky!"  
  
Charles groaned as Pyro danced into the bar, pulling Batman with him.  
  
"Look who I found!", said the manic Autrailian, "he's Mr Pop 'N Fresh"  
  
"Press my tummy", giggled Batman drunkenly.  
  
"Bruce?", asked Superman, "are you feeling okay?"  
  
"PRESS MY TUMMY!!!!", screamed Batman  
  
"Okay, okay!", he said, giving him a gentle prod, sending Batman crashing to the floor, "sorry"  
  
Charles groaned again, making a grab for the vodka.  
  
"Oh, look!", said Pyro with a grin, "Sheilas!"  
  
Indeed, walking into the bar were Catwoman, Poison Ivy, and Lilandra.  
  
"See, Lil", said Catwoman, "isn't Earth a fun place?"  
  
Lilandra rolled her eyes, before grinning, seeing Charles.  
  
"Wooot, I got me some manflesh"  
  
With a manic giggle, she grabbed Xavier's wheelchair and sped out of the bar.  
  
"Bye bye Chucky!!, said Pyro, waving her off as Batman disapeared under a pile of villianesses.  
  
"Yup", said Superman, "really wishing I'd stayed on the farm right now"  
  
-----  
  
Meanwhile, Wanda was having issues with her own. Selene had opted to appear and hit on Todd. Even though Wanda 'Didn't care squat about the frog boy', she attacked, as she often did, with anger and rage.  
  
"I'M the witch in this seires!", she snapped, "ME ME ME!"  
  
She tossed a hext-bolt at Selene, who ducked it.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm so much hotter and better than you!", she said, sending a telekentic punch at Wanda.  
  
"Ladies, ladies", said Todd, clearing his throat, "there's plenty of Toddles to go around"  
  
Selene smacked Wanda to the ground with a bust of flame, before landing next to Todd, pulling him in for a passionate kiss before skipping off happily.  
  
Todd blinked back, dazed, smiling as Selene waltzed off.  
  
"That was shallow, cheap, and based solely on hormones", said Todd, then paused, grinning, "WORKS FOR ME!"  
  
Wanda growled, smacking him over the head with a hex-bolt.  
  
---  
  
"I have you now, Spider-Man!"  
  
Spider-Man sighed as a teen, and very skinny, Kingpin tried to squease the life out of him outside the Xavier mansion.  
  
"Oh, eek", he said dryly, "I. Am. So. Afraid"  
  
ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Both looked up to see Kurt running (or rather rolling) towards the mansion, a huge tide of cats following him. The cats seemed to be meowing.  
  
"They call me ze great meow", whimpered Kurt as he stopped before them, "they vant to make me their God...help me!"  
  
"See, Runt, I told ya I could find my way back to the mansion!"  
  
Sabertooth was proudly leading the rest of battered teens, adults and miscalaneous back to the mansion. The tide of cats made a U-Turn, heading right for him.  
  
"Me-OW, Me-OW", they meowed.  
  
"Mother", whimpered Sabertooth, running for his life.  
  
"Well...that was weird", said Tabby.  
  
"Can we just get on with this so I can shoot him?!", whimpered Bishop, who's gun was still firmly planted on Forge's head.  
  
"You don't want to shoot me, really", said Forge with a nervous laugh, giving the X-Men a glare, "thanks for helping me out and coming to my rescue, by the way"  
  
Hank shrugged.  
  
"We figure the only way to get you to go back to normal is by gunpoint....so it actually works out well for us"  
  
Forge muttered something unrepeatable under his breath.  
  
The various age and time changed people entered the mansion, to find Seren calmly sitting on the stairs.  
  
"Where did YOU come from?", said Storm, blinking.  
  
Seren shrugged.  
  
"I'm a plot device, I appear whenever I'm needed"  
  
"Ahhhhhh", said the group.  
  
"Hey cool cats, Unckie Chuckies in the house".  
  
Xavier wheeled back in, his clothes ruffled and a grin on his face.  
  
"Professor, you're home!", said Scott happily, then backed away from him, holding his nose, "ewwwwww, you reek, you need a bath!"  
  
"You know, I'm just too zoned out to care", said Xavier, smiling, "I was abducted by this hot alien babe, and we made made passionate.."  
  
"That's a really nice story", said Hank, cutting him off, "but we don't need any drunk tales right now, we need to get changed back"  
  
Charles pouted.  
  
"But it wasn't a story, it was true, honest!!!!"  
  
"Whatever you say, Rummy", said Lance. [2]  
  
-----  
  
[1] - As laughable as this concept is with Evo Forge, some of his alternate versions..particually those that appear in Exiles and Mutant X, are either traitors or very evil villians. You should see Phylanx-possesed- Forge...that guy is UBER evil.  
  
[2] - God bless the Simpsons.  
  
Tee hee, can't you guess that was written in the space of an hour? I think my brain imploded on itself ;). If you have any more requests, I suggest you make them now, as the next chapter is the last. Until next time.... 


	15. The anti climactic climax

When I grow up...  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now"  
  
---  
  
Wahoo, I can now gleefully say I have seen every episode of XMenE.. YEY! How much did the last episode ROCK?! Ahem. Anyhoo, sorry guys, no wookies, I feel about Star Wars/Star Trek the same way I feel about Buffy. Yup.  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - One adult Supergirl, all done and in her her little skimpy uniform.  
  
BaronOBeefDip - Fat Kurt shalt fall on his mother, squishing her so.  
  
Draco-luver - The mob of cats return? You got it!  
  
Stupidx - Wow, a bust of flame sure makes it more interesting, doesn't it? Beware, mortals, from my deadly BUST OF FLAME! Bwahahahahahaha!  
  
Tenshi Kanashii - Don't fret, the student life is a harsh mistress. The Mutant X you're thinking of is a TV show, the 'we're not really just a altered version of X-Men', show. The Mutant X I meant is a comic in which Havok is thrown into an alternaltive universe, in which Storm is a vampiress, and Forge and Kitty are her personal blood banks....yeah. 0.o Exiles is another comic series where some time-displaced mutants go into various dimensions and timelines, trying to right history...kinda like Quantum Leap meets Sliders.  
  
The crow that caws at a quater past six - NII NII! No shrubbery's here! NII!. Well, I've used so many of your requests, it'd take forever to writer them here, I'm sure you'll recognise them as you read :D  
  
Risty - Agreed, if he really wanted to, Forge could take over the world....pitty about that irrational bunny fear.  
  
Ellen - More drunken dark knight just for you.  
  
Seimosuchus - The Todd quote is yours!  
  
Shanie S - Twinkie Hank, huh? Okey dokey. The wombats will make their final curtain call. I myself, unlike my other two siblings, don't celebrate Fathers day or mothers day. Why? I hear you cry, 'cause both parents birthdays are within weeks of their respective parental holidays, so I get them only birthday gifts...but nice ones. Fate is funny like that, huh?  
  
Randomnimity - Heeeerrrreeee's MOJO!  
  
--  
  
Chapter 15 - The anti climactic climax.  
  
----  
  
Over at the mansion, everyone was standing around, awaiting for their nightmare to end.  
  
"I'm telling you, all of this doesn't just happen randomly", stated Daredevil, "it's being plotted, plotted by the EVIL FANAFIC WRITERS AND READERS!"  
  
"Uh....huh....sure", said Dani, unbeliveingly.  
  
"It's TRUE!", said Daredevil as she walked off, "why won't anyone believe me?!"  
  
"So", said Seren, smiling at the group, "I suppose you all wnat to be turned back to normal now?"  
  
"Not really", said Forge, then squeaked as Bishops gun poked the back of his head, "I mean....yes please"  
  
There was a flash of light and Lilandra appeared, holding Xavier's jacket...that he seems to wear everywhere..even inside. She bounded over to him, handing it over.  
  
"You forgot this Chucky-Wucky", she said, giving him a passionate kiss, "I had fun, we should do it again sometime"  
  
With a flash, she was gone again. Everyone blinked, while Lucas opted to throw up in a corner.  
  
"HAH!", laughed Xavier, "I told you I got laid!"  
  
"I never got laid!", whined Magneto, "and I'm much hotter than him!"  
  
"Dad!", said Pietro, shuddering, "that's just...ewww. I don't want to think about that"  
  
"Unclean, unclean, UNCLEAN!", screamed Rogue, rolling around on the floor.  
  
Kurt blinked.  
  
"Vhy is my sister rolling around on ze floor?", asked Kurt, from where he was lying on the ground.  
  
"Because Magnus over there is a love child between her and Magneto in an alternate universe", said Kitty.  
  
"That's just....nasty", said Kurt, shuddering, before rolling over onto Mystique, "oh...sorry, mother"  
  
"Kurt....have you put on some weight?", gasped Mystique as she tried to scrabble away.  
  
"Run run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the Pop 'n Fresh man!", laughed Batman manically.  
  
"Ahh, but the power of Twinkies far outpowers you, Poppy!", said Hank, running after him, wearing a twinkie suit.  
  
"Oh...look who found the secret stash of gin", said Storm.  
  
"My gin?", asked Xavier, his eye twitching, "MY gin?!!!"  
  
Suddenly, and quite randomly, Super-girl flew into the mansion. An adult Sper-girl at that. Barely fitting into her costume, making all the men in the room turn their gaze to her.  
  
"Terrible things have happened!", she panted, "age...changed..everywhere"  
  
She paused.  
  
"Boys, my face is up here"  
  
"Oh, for the love of Pete, just end this madness, NOW!!!", screamed Jamie, then blinked, "wow, where did THAT come from?"  
  
"You're still peeved because Ian stole Torpid, aren't you?", teased Roberto.  
  
"No", said Jamie, "besides, Ian's gone"  
  
He pointed to where Lucid and Selene were making out in the corner.  
  
"Oh....kay", said Roberto, blinking.  
  
"One second", said Seren, suddenly pulling out a camcorder, getting everyone on screen, "there, for prosperities sake!"  
  
"You are a being of pure evil", growled Logan.  
  
"Thank you", said Seren with a pleasant smile.  
  
There was a flash of light and evryone reverted to his or her own age.  
  
"Thank God for that", said Pietro, "I was starting to worry I'd never be hot again"  
  
"I lost my Mojo", whimpered Magneto.  
  
"You called?"  
  
A dimension gate had opened, revealing Mojo.  
  
"Not you, you idiot", hissed Magneto.  
  
"Oh", said Mojo, "so...no one wants any world conquering today?....No?"  
  
"YOU!", said Bishop, narrowing his eyes.  
  
"Uh oh, time cop!", squeaked Mojo.  
  
Bishop let the now teen-bodied Forge go, heading after Mojo. He paused, walking back, smacking Forge over the head with his gun, knocking the inventor out cold.  
  
"What did you do that for?", asked Scott, "you KNOW he's inocent"  
  
"Yeah, he is", said Bishop, "but...I just don't like him"  
  
With a shrug, Bishop ran into the time porthole after Mojo. As the various Superheros, Mutants and villians began to leave, Remy sidled up to Rogue.  
  
"Ahh chere, we have not been together for so long, no?", he said, grinning, "want to make up for lost time?"  
  
Magnus growled, picking Remy up and smacking him with his own Bo Staff.  
  
"Gte away form my mom, you sick, sick sicko!", he yelled.  
  
"Come on, Magnus", said Noctune, taking his arm, "lets go home, I'll let you rub my back"  
  
Magnus thought on that for a moment.  
  
"'Kay!", he said with a grin, and the two vanished, the other time- displaced people following after them.  
  
"This is turning into a very strange day", said Xavier, watching as an army of fire wombats danced around him.  
  
"Bye, Dad!", said Lucas, his arm around Selene's waist, "I'm gunnae go get married now"  
  
"That's nice, son", said Xavier, then blinked, "wha?!"  
  
"PHYSCE!", laughed Lucas evily, "nah, I'm just gunnae sleep with her then not call her back"  
  
"Huh?", said Selene, as Lucas dragged her off.  
  
"Can we go home now, Viper?", asked Gauntlet, "I want to go home and play with my new action figure"  
  
"Help me", squeaked Shortpack from where Gauntlet had him in his fist.  
  
"Oh, all right!", snapped Viper, heading for the door, "besides, we must prepare for tomorrow night"  
  
"What are we gonna do tomorrow night, Viper?", asked Omega as he and Gauntlet followed her out.  
  
"The same thing we do EVERY night, Omega", said Viper, "TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" [1]  
  
As the members of Hydra (and Shortpack) left, the tide of cats had surrounded Sabertooth, watching him in awe.  
  
"Me-OW, Me-Ow!", they called.  
  
"No, no no!", said Sabertooth, "it goes like this"  
  
He cleared his throat.  
  
"Meow want chiii-cken, Meow want liii-ver", he sang, "now you try"  
  
The cats blinked.  
  
"Me-OW, Me-OW!".  
  
"Neh, close enough", said Sabertooth with a shrug.  
  
"Will everyone who doesn't live here PLEASE LEAVE MY HOUSE?!!", screamed Xavier.  
  
"Okay, okay, we're going", said Lance, leading the Brotherhood out.  
  
"Yes! One, two, three, four! Pirate booty on the floor...", sang Todd, Xavier's gin in his hand.  
  
"And give me back my.....", started Xavier, before groaning, "oh, forget it, I'm going to bed"  
  
"The bunnies want me to tap-dance!", whimpered Forge from the floor, semi- concious, "I don't want to tap-dance with the bunnies!"  
  
"You tell those bunnies, Forge", said Sam, patting his shoulder. [2]  
  
"Enjoy your freedom while you can", said Seren darkly, "for when I return, I shall bring my mutant sisters! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Like all good plot devices, Seren abruptly vanished.  
  
"Wait...sisters?", said Logan, paling, "...that can't be good"  
  
"You something, guys?", said Scott, "I'd like to think we all learned something from this experience"  
  
"Like what?", asked Jean.  
  
Scott paused.  
  
"Like we really need to beef up the mansions security, I mean, that Seren chick gets us EVERY time!"  
  
"Not really a great moral, is it, Scott?", said Jean dryly.  
  
"No".  
  
There was silence for a moment.  
  
"You know", pondered Kitty, "I can't help but feel we've forgotten something"  
  
On the other side of Bayville, a teen Thor was still dragging his hammer around.  
  
"Whereth thou are my superhero bretheren?", he muttered to himself, "I wanteth to go home!"  
  
"Hey, skirt boy, want a lift?", jeered Duncan as he drove past.  
  
"HAVE AT THEE!!!!", screamed Thor trying to toss his hammer.  
  
At that moment, Seren popped up, restoring the son of Asgard to his full stength. The hammer flew through the air, smashing Duncan's car.  
  
"Ahhhh", said Thor, dusting his hands as a huge fireball enveloped what was ocne Duncan Mathews car, "my aim hath never been better"  
  
END  
  
----  
  
[1] - Long live Pinky and the Brain. NARF!  
  
[] - Yes, stolen from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I couldn't resist.  
  
Well, folks, that's it, the madness is finally over....until I bring in Seren's sisters, that is. Heh heh heh. Ahem. Do Review. Thanks for reading this most confusing piece of insanity, I hope you enjoyed it. Ta ta! 


End file.
